Opposite Day

Bush Declares March 27 ‘Opposite Day’

President George W. Bush declared March 27 to be National Opposite Day. “For too long, now, ‘No’ has meant ‘no’, ” Bush said during the nationally televised address. “But today, at long last, ‘no’ will mean ‘yes’ … and ‘yes’ will mean ‘no’.”

Furthermore, Bush explained , until midnight all statements would mean their logical opposite. “For example: Saddam Hussein, we’re not coming for you!” he announced with a smirk.

Democrats lashed out at the proclamation, calling it ‘absurd’ and ‘paradoxical’. “Just by saying that today is Opposite Day, Bush is, in effect, saying that’s it’s not Opposite Day,” Senator Maria Cantwell pointed out. “If he’d made the announcement yesterday then, yeah, sure, that works. But by saying today is Opposite day .. that’s just dumb.”

“Or perhaps I say: that’s just not dumb.” Cantwell asked, rhetorically.

White House spokesman Ari Fleischer later dismissed the criticism, saying that it “sure doesn’t sound like pseudo-intellectual ivory-tower elite-speak to me!” Senate Republicans also supported the President’s decision, saying “This is not a great day for America.”

Although right-handed, Bush signed the proclamation with his left-hand, which, while kind of in the spirit of things, didn’t really make sense to anyone. Afterwards, Bush said his tax cuts were designed to help the impoverished, agreed to campaign finance reform, said that we would see “Middle-East Peace in our lifetimes,” and asked Senate Majority leader Tom Daschle “Do you want me to hit you?”

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