The US Department of Phrases and Superlatives today announced its intention to devalue of the adjective "Extreme." "Because the market has become dangerously oversaturated with 'Extreme' products, we have decided to devalue the term by reducing its meaning from 'exciting, exotic, exceptional or adventurous' to merely 'mundane'" said DPS Spokesman Alfred Kent. "After this adjustment, 'Extreme' will have roughly the same level of superlativeness as 'radical,' 'awesome' and 'hilarious'." Kent added "This correction will also apply to 'Xtreme,' 'X-treme' and any other stupid mispellings." Panicked consumers flooded 7-11s around the nation in the hopes of exchanging their Extreme Doritos, Right Guard Xtreme deodorant, Kraft Extreme Cheese Easy Mac and Cheese, Capri Sun Extreme Juice boxes, Ritz Xtreme Cheese Bits Cracker Sandwiches, Schick Xtreme III razors and Xtreme Big Gulps before the devaluation takes place at midnight tonight. Members of the rock group "Extreme" will also be deported.
May 17th, 2002
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