Homeland Security Chief Tom Ridge announced today that the "Terror Warning System" he unveiled in March would be converting to summer colors today. "Preparedness is never out of season," Ridge told the joint session of congress, "and that as why we will be tailoring our schema for the upcoming months." In the following Power Point presentation, Ridge revealed that Green will be replaced with "Mint," Blue will become "Cornflower," Orange will make way for "Putty," and Red, the highest level of threat, will henceforth be "Brick". The conversion is estimated to cost $47 million, and is expected to be every bit as comically useless as the old system. Ridge reassured the nation that, despite the recent fears of a July 4th attack, "we remain on Maize Alert."
June 21st, 2002
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