Tossed Green Salad: Mix two ounces Lettuce Schnapps, one ounce tomato juice, one ounce carrot juice. Garnish with cocktail onions, celery stick.
The Swoon: Drop shot of ammonia into pint glass filled with bleach. Inhale chloramine gas.
Slugger: Combine 2 ounces of rum, 1/2 ounce of gin, dash of cola and anabolic steroids in highball glass. Garish with tobacco.
The SUV: Soak “Little Tree” air freshener overnight in 30-W weight motor oil. Carbonate resulting liquid with CO2 gas. Add splash of ethanol, serve in 52-ounce 7-11 “X-TREME GULP” plastic cup.
Meow Mix: Put one handful of wheat-based kitty litter in coupette glass. Add two ounces vodka. After vodka has been entirely absorbed by litter, fill glass with orange juice, garnish with cherry.
The A.D.D.: Blend 1/2 cup low quality port, 1/2 cup Hi-C brand punch, 1/2 cup raw sugar, 1 cup store-brand margarita mix. Drink while watching cartoons.
Rusty Nail: Fill tumbler with club soda. Add rusty nail.