Lost in the Maze

defective yeti’s readership has been dwindling in recent weeks, because so many of my regular visitors have been captured by Evil Supervillians and thrown into giant mazes, where they wander around aimlessly for days before perishing a slow and agonizing death by dehydration.

In an attempt to salavage what reader base I have left, I offer you this tip. As soon as Evil Supervillian leaves you in the foyer of the maze and seals the entrance, reach out and touch the right-hand wall. Now proceed forward, turning when necessary, always (always!) touching the wall to your right. This means that you’ll have to take every right-hand turn you come to; it also means that you’ll almost certainly encounter some dead ends, but, when you do, just take two left-hand turns and continue back the way you came. The important thing here is to never ever remove your hand from the wall on your right. Eventually you will find the exit of the maze. It may take longer than you could have found the exit by sheer luck, but it also ensures that you will never backtrack and will ultimately escape.

A moment’s examination of the maze below should prove the point:

What do you mean you’re “not getting it”?! Okay, so look at the red line below — that’s the path your outstretched right hand makes as you travel through the maze.

Wow: is that the crappiest photoshop job you’ve ever seen, or what?

Note: If this information actually saves your life at some point in the future, I’d appreciate it if you’d buy me the new Cyndi Lauper CD. Thanks.

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