T.G.I.P.J.F.!

I like my job okay, but the lack of team spirit around the office is a total drag! We have a Community Group that's always organizing fun events for everyone, like Bowling Nites and Margarita Mondays and Yard Work Wednesdays, but no one ever goes because I guess they are too cool or something. And the worst part is that

Read more

The Follicles Follies

Today I saw a kid who had made what can only be regarded as a Poor Hairstyle Decision. (I am qualified to judge, as, alas, I am something of an authority on the subject of Poor Hairstyle Decisions. You could legitimately refer to me as "Matthew Baldwin, P.H.D.") The youth possessed exceptionally curly hair, and had some sort of reverse-mohawk

Read more

Fear the Brown

Remember those halcyon days of childhood, when you would while away your sixth-grade recess quietly reading on the corner of the playground, and then three 12 year-olds so overdeveloped that they were eligible to vote would materialize and say "Hey Matt bald one. What's it like to be bald, Matt bald one?" and grab your copy of Encyclopedia Brown Cracks

Read more

Okay, You Talked Me Into It

Overheard.Guy 1: What's up with you and Lannie? Guy 2: Ah, we ain't together no more. She was too wild. The last thing I want is a wild woman. Guy 1: Really? That's the first thing I want! [Both laugh unroarously.] Guy 2: Me too, brother. Me too.

Read more

Lovely and The Punk

I've just boarded my bus, which is rapidly filling up. The Punk across the aisle, however, is stubbornly refusing to move his bag from the seat next to him. He is staring sullenly out the window, so at first I assume he's just self-absorbed and has forgotten that his backpack is preventing others from sitting. But then I notice that,

Read more

Free Willy 4: Seriously, Willy, Get The Hell Out Of Here

MEAN AQUARIUM SCIENTIST: What are you doing? Get away from that big red button! That opens the underwater gates to the killer whale holding tank! JESSE: You can't hold Willy, Mean Aquarium Scientist! Willy needs to be free! [JESSE presses button. CUT TO: underwater shot of gates opening. WILLY passes through gates to ocean.] Jesse: Go Willy! [WILLY leaps into

Read more

Share the Wealth

Great Grandmother of Cher, there's a brief article about me at Salon.com and defective yeti has been MetaFiltered. Why? Because of the Internet community's insatiable yen for more people who blog about their cats? No, ostensibly because this lil' bit o' the funny somehow turned into One Of Those Things That People At My Office Are Forever Forwarding To Me

Read more

Ask the Answer Guy!

Dear Answer Guy, Why is Friday the 13th considered bad luck? Thanks, Curious in Kansas Great question, Curious! The belief that Friday the 13th is unlucky dates all the way back to 1923, when a supposedly unsinkable ship called "The Titanic" hit an iceberg while enroute to England and went to the bottom of the sea, killing over 1000 people.

Read more

The Bad Review Revue

swimfan: "It would be great to see this turd squashed under a truck. " -- Peter Travers, ROLLING STONE "Stealing Harvard has one extraordinary virtue for a Tom Green movie: It doesn't star Tom Green. What a fabulous breakthrough! Not since Stravinsky stunned the world with The Rite of Spring has someone unveiled an aesthetic shocker of such epochal dimensions."

Read more