The Morning News is today carrying an essay of mine entitled Holiday Survival Guide for Slackers. I was able to work some squirrels into it, so you’ll definitely want to check it out.
Credit Where It’s Due:
- Goopymart suggested the Mr. T. Chia Head and the Hyperspace Resonator (i.e., “Time Machine”).
- I first saw The Book (penultimate gift on the list) over at Miel’s “Hot Juicy Breathless Bla Bla“. Miel says she swiped it from “I, Asshole“. And I believe her. I’m a trusting sort of guy.*
- I first proposed the Lonely Planet Guide to Antarctica as a stupid item that couldn’t possibly exist. Then Rory came along and pointed out that it did.
*Update: Have you ever had that moment in your life when you suddenly discover that one of your lifelong heroes is, in fact, a run-of-the-mill weasel, like when you found out Jimmy Carter had lust in his heart, or when Jim Henson let us all down by dying? Well, that happened to me today when I discovered that DAVE BARRY TOTALLY RIPPED ME OFF!!! His so-called “Gift” “Guide” contains the very same book as mine does! This is a scandal of pre-Subway Jared proportions!!
Oh sure, you could argue that I stole the whole “gift guide of stupid things” concept from him in the first place. And you could point out that his guide appeared nearly two weeks before mine. And you could suspect that I, Asshole first heard of The Book via Dave Barry’s column, so, in a convoluted sense, I ripped him off. Yes. Yes, you could do that. OR YOU COULD GO START YOUR OWN FREAKIN’ WEBLOG YOU BACKSTABBING BASTARD!! You’re either with me or against me.
Dammit, man, I’m never going to be able to drink powdered Nestea again.
Posted by Rory on December 13th, 2002.
In case you wondered (the folks at Spencer Gifts have undoubtedly NEVER known), the “little whizzer” is actually a replica of a famous fountain in Brussels, Belgium. The two-foot-tall statue is called “Mannekin Pis” (“Little Boy (…well…) Pissing”.
Posted by Melinda on December 17th, 2002.