Shh.

Operator: Hello, Maury Povich show.

Me: Hello, is this the Maury Povich show from TV?

O: Yes.

M: Hi. I was watching your show today, “Your Boyfriend Got Me Pregnant,” and at the end the screen said “Do you have a secret you want to reveal to someone on the Maury Povich show?” with this phone number, and I thought “I have a secret that I want to reveal to someone on the Maury Povich show,” so I’m calling the number.

O: Uh huh. And who do you want to reveal the secret to?

M: Maury Povich.

O: Maury Povich, the host of the show?

M: Yes. He’s the person on the show that I want to reveal the secret to.

O: What’s the secret?

M: “Maury Povich, your show isn’t very good.”

O: That’s not a secret.

M: You’re telling me!