Apparently there’s a company that will take the ashes of your deceased loved-one and turn them into a diamond. That’s a great idea! But the prices are outrageous: ten grand for only three-fourths of a caret.
Why so much? Is it because it’s expensive to generate the pressure needed to squeeze a gem out of carbon-based ashes? If so, they should offer a cheaper option for regular folks like you and I: pay for a lower PSI and turn your deceased loved-one’s ashes into a charcoal briquette! Heck, that would be better than a diamond, because you could put the final product to good use.
Neil: Awesome barbecue, dude. These bratwurst are killer.
Carl: The secret is in the Uncle Milton.
And for real cheapskates, they could just stuff your loved-one’s ashes into a snowglobe for keepsaking. Actually, that’s a pretty great idea in its own right. A few months back we had a Terror Alert here in Seattle after some Brainiac dropped a baseball fan’s ashes onto Safeco Field. And the FAA prohibits the release of cremated ashes over urban areas anyway. So they should make custom snowglobes, with landscapes (or baseball stadiums) in the bottom and Dead Guy Ashes in the air. Why drop Grandpa Willie over Manhattan once, when, with a daily shake, you can scatter his ashes over the city day after day after day?