Another Milestone

defective yeti is pleased to annnounce that today marks thirty-two straight years of Not Giving A Rat-Ass About The Superbowl. A big "thank you" to everyone who took the time to send cards and congratulatory emails -- I couldn't have done it without you! * * Lie.

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Hello Left-Wingers!

Are you a fanatical, wild-eyed left-winger, prone to posting long USENET screeds with subject lines like "DID DUBYA KILL ANN LANDERS??!!!!!! (YES!!!)" and packed with air-tight logical arguments like "bush dint't want to invade iraq until the pretzle incident THINK ABOUT IT!!!!!!"? Do you love those too-clever-by-half rhetorical shenanigans, like calling Bush "Resident Select" or "Commander In Thief" or "Republican,

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I Have A Crush

I just ordered theater tickets over the phone. "Okay," the customer service rep said "Let me get your name." "Matthew Baldwin." She clarified: "'Baldwin' like the piano?" "Yes!" I was ebullient. "Thank you so much for not asking 'like the brothers'!" "Which brothers?" said she. I know it's a little early, but: Anonymous Theater Ticket Customer Service Representative, will you

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Bloggies

Good morning. defective yeti is up for the "Most Humorous Weblog" Bloggie. I was sorta hoping it would get nominated for "Best New Weblog" or "Least Spellchecked" or something else I'd have a hope of winning, but "Most Humorous" it is. Don't get me wrong: this is great news for my Brobdingnagian ego! But it's also bad news for the

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Great Ideas For Dead People

Apparently there's a company that will take the ashes of your deceased loved-one and turn them into a diamond. That's a great idea! But the prices are outrageous: ten grand for only three-fourths of a caret. Why so much? Is it because it's expensive to generate the pressure needed to squeeze a gem out of carbon-based ashes? If so, they

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I Have My Doubts

Spam:Date: Wed, 15 Jan 2003 16:50:18 -0800 From: Jason Knight Subject: I want to sell your bagels through our stores I've spent a lot of time at your website and I think your bagels are perfect for the stores we work with ...

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Current Affairs

I am two-thirds of the way through The Fellowship of the Ring and enjoying it immensely. Nonetheless, as I left for work Friday morning I reluctantly set aside Tolkien, stuffed a copy of “Basic Wiring” into my backpack, and spent my bus ride reading not about Aragorn son of Arathorn, but about the installation of flush-mounted jacks. Let this serve

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Confession

Tonight for dinner I ate both pasta and antipasta. When they collided in my stomach it set off a chain reaction that annihilated the universe. So if you were wondering who had done that .. yeah, it was me. Sorry everyone. I'll make sure it doesn't happen again.

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The Bad Review Revue

Kangaroo Jack: "Virtually every shot of the kangaroo was digitally created, and perhaps that was an insurance policy masterstroke. Forcing a real live one to act opposite these co-stars could have easily constituted animal cruelty." -- Joe McGovern, VILLAGE VOICE A Guy Thing: "Sets the bar of taste low, then proceeds to limbo underneath it." -- Sean O'Connell, ECLIPSE MAGAZINE

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Dr. Phil Addresses Nation’s Consumers

Self-help guru Dr. Phil McGraw addressed the nation's consumers last night during a speech televised by all major networks. "You cannot play the game of life with sweaty palms," McGraw told the estimated 50 million viewers, adding "I'm not trying to beat you up, I'm trying to wake you up." The speech was given at the behest of the Bush

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