Apparently the recent decision by the Federal Government to go Code Orange and urge Americans to arm themselves with duct tape and plastic sheeting caused Wal*Mart’s sales to skyrocket. Of course, in our consumer oriented society, it’s not difficult to figure out what’s going to happen next.
Stage one: Regular Terror Alerts: After intense lobbying by hardware stores and other establishments selling sundry supplies, the Feds will issue terror alerts whenever the economy needs a “shot in the arm”. Typical announcement: “A recent uptick in ‘chatter’ leads us to believe that a terrorist attack could occur anywhere in the United States, except in participating Wal*Mart, Sam’s Club, and Home Depot locations.”
Stage two: Brand Names: Then, when telling Americans how to protect themselves against the threat of terrorism, specific brands will be mentioned. Typical announcement: “We urge all American’s to stock up on Terror-Care brand duct tape and plastic sheeting. Terror Care: Buy It, If You Love Your Family.”
Stage three: Product Placement: Soon, those selling non-safety related items will pony up to have their product mentioned in the warnings. Typical announcement: “And because you may have to remain holed up in your house for weeks after the detonation of a so-called ‘dirty bomb,’ we recommend you immediately preorder Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix from Amazon.com, just in case.”
Stage four: Naming Rights: Lastly, the terror stages will rechristened to incorporate the names of the highest bidder. Typical announcement: “Today we are raising the terror alert to Code Orange Julius. We remind you that this is the second-highest level of threat, superceded only by Mountain Dew’s Code Red.”