My male readers may enjoy this essay I wrote for The Morning News: Schr


  1. That’s right: if there’s such a thing as a bad George W. Bush/Schr

  2. another bullseye.

  3. Good stuff Matthew.

  4. …was waiting for Al Gore to whip off the Bush mask, but this was a more unexpected twist. Good stuff.

  5. Quite humorous. I’ve only been reading your stuff for a couple weeks Matthew, but I’m singularly impressed and entertained…

  6. Most excellent piece. I’m going to take the pre-op trannie option however, and share my beef-eating consumption with some telemarketers while enjoying some theorizing about Bush’s cat-in-the-box.

  7. I checked out the Beef girlfriends site and clicked on “keeping it real”, where I answered a survey: What type of beef do you most like to eat with your friends?


    I totally voted for Tacos! I hope you all do too! Goooooo Tacos!

  8. I know that as half of your female reader population, I should have totally gone for the girl site, but I like totally liked your all political guy thing! Flowers for Algernon, I so get it.

    Man, I hope I’m not like totally crashing the whole guy/gal thing you’ve got going. I am, like, such a rebel.

    (and also, like totally dating myself. No idea what hip young girls are supposed to sound like these days. Perhaps I should study that girl site after all, like you know?)

  9. Sometimes there are smart articles worthwhile an april fools appearance – coming up one month before time ;-)

  10. bush referencing schrodinger: hilarious! thank you.
    playing to the gender stereotype that only men like science: c’mon.

  11. after your male readers read your delightful essay, instead of visiting cool-2b-real, they might consider a trip to pork 4 kids.
    on the opening page, maybe the boy should say “let’s visit the farm” and the pig should say, “build a sadwich with me.”

  12. Did anyone click on the beef logo at the bottom of that page? If you did, what’s up with the “$1-per head checkoff”? I have a pretty good idea, but tell me it ain’t so.

  13. Congratulations on your crack reporting. You’ll sleep easy knowing that all the other physicists in my wife’s office found Bush’s quantum arguments for war so persuasive, they’ve given up their support for UN inspections.

    That is, if you CAN sleep under the North Korean nuclear threat…

    Quick question: can you post a link to the official transcript from the WH? Because I want to see if they edit the grammatical mistake Bush made at the end. Thanks again,
    both for and against war.
    don’t ask.

  14. What if I kept it real, ate some beef, and read about Schrodinger’s Iraq?

    Does that make me ambidextrous?

  15. Hermaphroditic, perhaps.

  16. I get it! Bush is really stupid. You’ve nailed it yet again Matthew. Of course by again I mean that this must be the thousandth time this tired tripe has been paraded as humor. Rise above, or you might begin to believe that your that much smarter.

  17. How serious can you really take anonymous insults like that?

  18. Word association multiple choice:

    I say “Iraq”, you say:

    a)”Chemical Weapons”
    b)”Equal Rights for Women”
    c)”State-sanctioned Rape and Murder”
    d)”Human Rights”
    e)”Payments to the Families of Suicide Bombers”

    Remember kids:


  19. beautiful, simply beautiful.. sniff, sniff

  20. Ha! I found the cool2bereal site before you. I looked at it weeks ago!

    What about the world’s fittest boy, have you linked to that site yet?

  21. $1 per head checkoff – apparently cattle producers are supposed to pay $1 per head of cattle towards the promotion of beef eating. Why is the government trying to make us eat beef?

  22. Because, Rob, every cow is a Weapon of Grass Destruction.

  23. love it. love. it. (

  24. Wait I liked Schrodinger’s Iraq. Loved it actually…But I’m a FEMALE reader. What’s that about? Should I doubt my femininity now?

  25. Ha Ha, Ho Ho, He He.

    The 2 be cool site was awesome! Thanx for the link. The whole cat in the box thing was pretty cool too.

    Uuuuh… ummm. Yeh. So, do you wanna maybe go on a date sometime,Matt?

  26. Heard your Legonomics piece on Marketplace this afternoon! Totally awesome.

  27. seconding’s request for clarification–