It’s a literal dream come true: my road to millionaireism begins today.
Date: Tue, 04 Mar 2003 18:02:16 -0500
From: Rob Stevenson
Subject: Slap me with Brie
Something along these lines? If you're game (and you want to link to it) I will pay you $2 for every shirt sold.
By the way, I was impressed by your spot on Rewind, but Marketplace is really the apex of public radio success. So, what is David really like?
T-Shirt Giant, Inc.
There you go, kids. I know how often you read this site and think “Boy, that Matthew Baldwin sure makes some humorous observations about yogurt. I wish there was some way that I, Faithful Reader, could help make him a millionaire.” WELL NOW YOU CAN!! I mean “NOW THERE IS!!” A WAY TO HELP MAKE ME A MILLIONAIRE, THAT IS!!! All I need is, let’s see, one million divided by two is, um, okay, 500,000 people to buy this shirt, and then I will have more money than I could shake a stick at, which is saying something because, believe you me, I can shake a stick at a lot of money.
By the way, I think Rob really improved this shirt by dropping the “On Iraq” from the phrase “I Oppose The War On Iraq!” After all, a garment bearing the full slogan will lose relevance as soon as the current war starts (7:44 PM PST this evening, by the latest reckoning). But owners of a shirt with the abridged tagline will be able to don it each and every time France opposes a war (i.e. roughly every seven weeks).
As for Dave (I call him “Dave”) Brancaccio, I’m happy to report that he was every bit as charming and well-spoken in person as he is on the air. At least he was, until his fifth hot toddy. Then, Jesus: we couldn’t shut him up about the hummels. “Oh sure, there’s lots of companies making adorable ceramic figurines,” he’d say, “but few people realize that a figurine can only be called a ‘hummel’ if it’s actually produced by the M.I. Hummel company or handcrafted by W. Goebel Porzellanfabrik blah blah blah blah …” And he carries photos of hummels in his wallet — what’s up with that? I kept trying to change the subject to the 1976 Ethiopian monetary conversion from the birr to the dollar, but no dice: hummels hummels hummels. Eventually I just excused myself from the table, went to the restroom, and escaped by crawling out a window.