Darth Vader Made Me Cry

Note: An expanded version of this story is now available here. Click here to see the handiwork of The Dark Lord of SithWhen I was seven years old I received the best Christmas present ever: a copy of The Star Wars Storybook. On the inside front cover my parents had written "To Matthew - Merry Christmas in 1978. From Mother

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Know Thyself

The other night The Queen and I were watching The Big Forever Last Buffy Episode Ever Forever, and, during the break, there was an ad for Direct TV that I had never seen before. In it, a pair of sexy girls are at a party, sitting on either end of a large couch. Into the frame walk two stereotypical nerds

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Treasure Hunt 2003: There’s No Place Like Home

On April 27, 2003, I held my Seventh Annual Birthday Treasure Hunt on the campus of the University of Washington. First, some history. While a student at The Evergreen State College, I read this article on the annual MIT Treasure Hunt and decided that I wanted to host a similar (albeit greatly scaled down) event for my friends. So in

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The Lockjaws: Graduation Day

Since first professing my love of The Lockjaws (see: Finally, A Place Where People With Lockjaw Can Meet Online!), people from all the world have been sending me updates to let me know how they've been doing. For example, I recently received word that The Lockjaws were purchasing a home and pursuing the America Dream together. Well the great news

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Purported Hart Tape Urges Al-Qaeda To ‘Never Surrender’

An new audiotape encouraging Al-Qaeda resistance is said to have been recorded by fugitive Corey Hart. The 4 minute, 52 second communication, broadcast today on Al Jazeera, told listeners that "no one can take away your right to fight," further urging that they "never surrender." The US terror alert level was raised from yellow to orange after the release of

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Books: Look At Me

(No, it's not another weblog handbook ...) Looks are everything. That may not be the take-home message of Jennifer Egan's Look At Me, but it's the philosophy guiding the novel's myriad of characters. We first meet Charlotte, a model whose trade is her face -- at least until said face is crushed in a car crash and has to be

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My Cred Is Intact

A coworker walked by my office and overheard the mp3 I was listening to. "Oh my God!" she exclaimed. "Are you listing to The Backstreet Boys?!!" "No, of course not!" I replied guiltily. "Like I'd listen to The Backstreet Boys! Yeah, right! Hah hah! Hah! No, this is a parody of The Backstreet Boys called 'E-Bay'." By Weird Al Yankovic."

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Slogans and Subjectlines

Lean Cuisine's new slogan is "It's not just lean, it's cuisine". Apparently consumers were unable to deduce this from the name. In other news, Coke's new slogan is: "Coca-Cola: it's a beverage for drinking." Free joke for your stand-up routine! "Election season is starting to heat up: Bush has filed for reelection and the Democrats have held two debates. And

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Mother Of The Year

I was on my morning commute, sitting in the seat across from the bus's back door. In the last row sat a mother and her two-year old daughter. The young girl was loudly wailing in that half-assed manner that indicated that she was neither in pain nor upset about anything in particular, but just wanted some attention: "whuuuuUUUAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!! {pause} whuuuuUUUAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!

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Movies: X2: X-Men United

(For real this time.) To any of the many kids I argued with in eight grade that are reading this blog: I guess you were right after all. You know those lunkheads who get all worked up about the whole Ford / Chevy thing? When I was in middle school, the crowd I ran around with was kind of like

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