I was sitting in a lawn chair reading Nero Wolfe, and Louie was skulking about my feet. Louis is technically an indoor cat, but as long as someone is keeping an eye on him we let him nose around the back patio. The sky had been growing increasingly dark, and I felt the first few spatters of rain. "Okay, Louie,"
Overheard on the bus.Guy 1: Did you hear they made gay sex legal? Guy 2: Yeah, disgusting. Guy 1: [Surprised] What do you care? Guy 2: I care because it says in the Bible that gay sex is a sin. Guy 1: The Bible says all sorts of stuff is a sin. It says you're not supposed to shave. It
The Queen had an engagement yesterday evening, leaving me with the house all to myself. So I did what any wild-at-heart, red-blooded male would do, given a night of unexpected bachelorhood:Had Grape-Nuts and beer for dinner;Watched Logan's Run on DVD.Matthew Baldwin: married but not domesticated. I was surprised by how good it was. The beer, I mean. Logan's Run was
Saw a sneak preview of The Hulk last night. I have to agree with the critics who say that he looks fakey. Plus, you can, like, totally tell where they photoshopped him into a scene. Worst CGI Ever
I received email questioning my use of the term gypped, and apparently I'm not the first. I have used the word "gyp" both as a noun ("What a gyp") and as a verb ("You got gypped") all my life to mean "a fraud" and "to be cheated", respectively. I don't recall where I picked it up, but at my elementary
A women already on the elevator was relating a Tale Of Woe to another person when I boarded. Between the fifth floor and the ground floor I didn't hear enough of the narrative to really know what had happened, but I did hear this key phrase:"Everything was fine until it got out on the Internet."I wonder how many contemporary Tales
Last night I visited Grammy. Grammy lives in a very pleasant Assisted Living Facility on the outskirts of Seattle, and I often zip over there after work to join her for dinner. Last night was Sloppy Joes Night so, obviously, I made a point of attending. Joining us at the dinnertable was B., a woman I had met before and
After years of forking over $30 every other month so that strangers could make my hair look bad, I finally realized that I could make my own hair look bad for free!. So I picked up some clippers from Target, handed them to The Queen, and told her to go nuts. This is the result. (And, for purposes of comparison,
Exchange from about 10 years ago that inexplicably popped into my head a moment ago.Me: Yeah, I just bought that new 1000 Maniacs CD. Wiseass Friend: One thousand? I hope you didn't pay full price because, if you did, they gypped you out of 9000 maniacs.
Here are some Million Dollar Ideas I have come up with recently but am too lazy to do anything with. Combination Cell Phone / Electric Shaver: Now men on their way to work can engage in two of the most dangerous while-driving activities at the same time! Woo! Caffinated Pens: If instinct is going to impel me to chew them,