MORE LIKE THE TOUR DE RIP-OFF!!!

Hey everybody. Sorry I haven’t been posting very much recently, but The Queen and I are on vacation. I wish I could say we’re having a good time, but, I gotta tell you, this is the WORST summer trip I have ever taken!!

It sounded pretty good when I signed up for it: a completely free (!!) tour of France (or as they say in French, a Toor du Fronce). But the whole thing turned out to be a colossal disappointment. First, we flew all the way over there at our own expense, but I figured it was worth it since the rest of the tour was free, right? So we get there, and there’s, like, no cruise ship or tour bus or anything — they want us to ride bikes! The whole way! And they don’t even give you the bikes, you’re supposed to bring your own! WTF PEOPLE!!!!??!

I guess it’s pretty good exercise and all, but this tour still sucks because we, like, never stop to look at anything — we haven’t been to the Effiel Tower or the Ark of Triumph or nothing. I thought we’d be, you know, relaxing and eating crepes and stuff, but this whole trip is all just, like, go go go! And the only food they give us is powerbars and water. Totally lame.

The worst part is — aw shit, a whole bunch of my tour group just rode past this Internet cafe so I have to wrap this up. So anyway, stay away from the France Tour Company or whatever they’re called, because they are a bunch of SCAMMERS!!!! Needless to say, The Queen is pretty mad — she says I should have “done” some “research” or whatever on the trip ahead of time. But oh well — she’ll cheer up next month when I take her to Cuba for her birthday. I’ve been hearing a lot about this place called Guantanamo Bay and I think that sounds real pretty.

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