Linguists at the University of Rhode Island have discovered an "i" in "team," calling into question one of the axioms of motivational theory. "It turned out to be between the 'a' and the 'm'," Professor Stephanie Zahn-Winters said at a press conference on Monday. "Once you know it's there, it's not too hard to see." While the news threatens to undermine modern coaching techniques, it was hailed as vindication by glory hounds and hotdoggers around the nation. "I always knew it was in there somewhere," said Polk Junior High ballhog Barry Zahn, adding "everyone knows that passing is gay." The news comes just four days after scientists at the Wisconsin State College shocked geographers worldwide by announcing the discovery of a place exactly like home.
August 26th, 2003
* * *