Friday Afternoon Scratchpad

Oscar Pool Creator

In case you missed it, my annual “Make-Yer-Own Oscar Pool Page” is here.

Thank You Mr. Bus Driver

I almost missed my bus yesterday. As it was pulling away from the curb I ran alongside it, waving my arm, and the driver kindly brought the behemoth to a stop and allowed me to board.

Moments later, as I sat panting in a seat halfway back, I could hear the driver’s voice boom from overhead. He was having a private chat with the person sitting in the front row and was clearly unaware that the intercom was on. I, and everyone on the bus, heard him say, “I probably wouldn’t shouldn’t have stopped for that guy, but I kinda felt sorry for him. He had such a dopy, desperate look on his face as he ran.”

How Many …?

Moderator: If you are elected president in 2004, what will your administration’s policy be in regards to changing the lightbulb?

Kerry: “Like most Vietnam veterans who fought in the Vietnam war, I know a little something about changing lightbulbs, on account of my experience in Vietnam.”

Edwards: “No need to change the bulb — I’ll just light up the room with my sunny optimism!”

Bush: “Someone needs to change a lightbulb? Woohoo — we created a job!”

Nader: “These is no fundamental difference between a lit room and the darkness.”

Clarification

Conversation with my single female friend R.:

R: I was trying to find a copy of that card game, Mamma Mia, so I went to the game store you suggested.

Me: And?

R: And omigod — the guy that worked there was so nice and friendly! And cute!

Me: [Incredulous] Cute? The guy working at the game store?

R: He was totally cute!

[Momentary pause. Then, hurriedly …]

R: I mean, “cute” in a Geppeto kind of way.

Update!

No Squirrely yet. As of this writing The Queen and I are still living in 2004 BC (before child).

* * *

10 comments.

  1. I was nosily going to email to ask you about Squirrely’s arrival. (Our pet name for ours is ‘Fatty’ after your wife’s hilarious comment that it’s just in there getting fat in the third trimester.)

    Nothing is more pathetic than a pregnant woman running for the bus–but can you believe they don’t always stop for me? (Actually, that source of indignation is one of the few privileges of pregnancy–must remember to cherish that.)

    Anyway, keep us posted.

  2. there are worse things than being “that dopey looking guy running after the bus”

    you easily could’ve been…”the dopey guy running after the bus that the driver ignored”

    20 people would’ve discussed you as an amusing anecdote at work that day and each of those twenty would tell 20 friends and so on and so on and pretty soon even me, here in michigan, would here the story of the dopey guy that got faced by the bus driver

    see? really, it could’ve been much worse

  3. ahem

    i actually know the difference between here and hear. truly. i should preview these things. but hell, if the lack of capitalization probably annoys everyone enough that the misspelled words are just icing.

  4. 1. Some friends of mine who had a baby a year or so ago reached the point near the due date where they stopped answering the phone. Their voicemail simply said, “No baby yet. Leave a message.”

    2. RE: running for the bus. Just riddle me this: were you wearing a backpack? Please say yes because it would make the visual image all that much more wonderfully dopey.

  5. I was two weeks late with my first. A neighbor saw me in the grocery and yelled all the way down the frozen food section, “Haven’t you had that damn baby yet?!!!”

  6. Hey, at least the bus driver stopped! I once heard that Seattle bus drivers aren’t supposed to stop for people running for the bus….those bastards!

    I would rather be a lameass dope ON the bus and on time to work, then a sad and red-faced dope on the sidewalk!

  7. That shit on the bus so did not happen to you. Too good to be true. Sounds like a freaking sitcom.

    Except way, way funnier than most sitcoms.

  8. (I believe that it happened, and don’t actually think you are a liar. Still, what are the odds of such a farce?!)

  9. For someone who lives in a town with zero busses, this makes big town livin’ seem like a sitcom, funny or not.

    During my two trips to Seattle I was pretty impressed with the bus drivers, without exception. Courteous, helpful, and enthusiastic. And the fact that Seattle has bike racks on the busses and also that the website was so informative really blew me away.

    But to think that they would stop the bus even for some dopey guy makes me wanna pack my bags.

  10. I would like to vouch for the fact that the whole “bus driver forgetting the mike is on” thing happens quite regularly in Seattle. Normally, you just hear the crackle of the mike bouncing around when the bus goes over bumps, but every now and then you get to hear some idle chit-chat the driver is having with the ubiquitous overly-friendly and/or disabled person sitting in the first seat.