Dear Me

Dear Journalists: Please stop describing each and every confluence of events as a perfect storm. I think we’re pretty much done with that. And don’t get tricky by putting ‘perfect storm’ in scare quotes or by calling it a so-called perfect storm, because we all know that’s just secret code for “couldn’t come up with my own analogy.”

Also! Dear TV Sitcom Commercial Writers: I’m pretty sure that “putting the fun into dysfunctional!” joke has been made before. Sorry.

Likewise! Dear TV Drama Commercial Writers: Your assertions notwithstanding, there probably are some things that could adequately prepare me for the shocking finale.

In conclusion! Dear everyone on Earth: Stop scuffing your feet when you walk, fercrissakes. What are you, seven?