Ah, Memorial Day. What better time to review Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind? In the weeks after The Squirrelly was born, I noticed an interesting phenomenon. Wracked with sleep deprivation, my memory -- which barely ranks an "adequate" even under the best of circumstances -- essentially packed up and went on sabbatical. It got to the point where the
Chatting with The Queen.The Queen: Hey, when are you going to do the three month update for The Squirrelly? Me: The "three month update?" What do you mean? Q: On your site. M: Still not following. Q: On defective yeti you write those updates every month on The Squirrelly's birthday, remember? And he's three months old, now. So when are
FBI Warning: Al-Qaida May Possess Magic Missiles Citizens who see sticks turn to snakes should contact the authorities immediately.
President George Bush, speaking at the Army War College in Carlisle, Pa. yesterday, unveiled a new twelve-step plan to address the deteriorating situation in Iraq. "First, I will admit we have a problem," Bush said, signaling a stark departure from the administration's current position. "Then I will recognize that we need help, I will seek the aid of other nations,
The Queen, on The Squirrelly: "He has a big nose. He must have gotten yours." There's one reason why cloning will never catch on, right there: the inability to attribute undesirable attributes in your offspring to a mate. Saturday we went to a reunion for all the parents who were in our childbirth education class. I met ten brand new
When I was your age the streets were paved with gold. And what a nightmare that was. When it rained, water would fill the deep ruts that vehicles left in the soft metal; when it was sunny, the roads became so hot that they would melt your tires as you idled at a stoplight. It always struck me as pretty
What's the deal with the "teeth falling out" dream?: A few times a year I have a dream in which my teeth are either loose or falling out. I'd always assumed that these dreams were unique to me, until a few years ago at a party when I overheard a girl describing just such a dream to a friend, who
Here's you chance to learn one of the many two-player games I talk about. (Probably LotR:tC.) Update: Got one -- thanks David! Everyone else: send me mail at matthewbaldwin [monkeytail] gmail [dot] com!
Over at The Morning News I have a story called The Ego Trip, another in the "Sweeping the Dirt Floor" series.
You can tell if someone is a direct descendant from King Tut because he will have a very distinctive fart. Everyone in that linage has a toot-in-common.