Rewombion

The Queen, on The Squirrelly: “He has a big nose. He must have gotten yours.”

There’s one reason why cloning will never catch on, right there: the inability to attribute undesirable attributes in your offspring to a mate.

Saturday we went to a reunion for all the parents who were in our childbirth education class. I met ten brand new babies and, bizarrely, was able to remember each and every one of their names. This is very unusual, as I have no head for names at all. In fact, I couldn’t remember the names of any of the parents at the party, and wound up calling them things like “Lucy’s father” and “genetic contributor to Sam.” So if you ever meet me in person and want to make sure I remember your name, try spitting up or pooping in your pants immediately after we shake hands — maybe that will help.

The highlight of the event was a group photo, where all the newborns were shoehorned into a couch and many a snapshot was taken.

The Squirrely is second from the left, showing off his tie-dyed socks and his preternatural ability to slouch.

It’s probably best that no one overheard me tell The Queen that it looked like “a dingo buffet.”

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30 comments.

  1. That’s a great picture!

    Pretty soon you will be hearing: “He’s kinda weird. He got that from you.” (around age three) :-) We’ve been known to say that back and forth here.

    And, surely somewhere, slouching is an art form.

  2. dingo buffet…ha! that’s great!

    it looks as if you’ve drugged all the babies on the right side of the couch to make them easy prey.

    it also makes me chuckle that all the left-couchers seem to be wearing looks of concern.

    …except the squirrely, who goes on merrily eating his own fist.

  3. I would be very concerned that I wouldn’t remember which baby was mine, and would just have to wait until all the other parents picked up their babies, to get my own.

    Perhaps this is insight into why I have no babies.

  4. It appears there is a large gravitational force eminating from the right side of the room, causing all the babies to lean in that direction.

    Either that or the kid with the purple dustmop on her feet toppled over and the rest followed like bowling pins.

  5. Oh man, WAY too cute. I used to have a poster that looked kind of like that! Did the babies compare notes about life on the outside?

  6. Hey, yours is the cutest one! No kidding!

  7. Wow. There I was, oohing and awing over the baby pic and out of nowhere you smack me with “Dingo buffett.” Yeah, I definitely spit my gum out onto my desk laughing.

  8. Dingo Buffet…heh heh that’s great.

    Looks like somebody might have called the Squirrely a poopy-pants hippy or something. He looks pissed. And “Ready to Rumblllllllle”

  9. Dingo buffet! I hurt my throat laughing! The fiance nearly fell down in laughter. :)

  10. Even my black, black heart has to admit that the picture is pretty fucking cute.

  11. Ah, man! You should warn people not to eat or drink before reading a post like that. After reading that dingo-buffet line, I now have to clean little bits of macaroni out of my keyboard.

  12. Wait–you can still make jokes like ‘dingo buffet’? Now that I’m a mom I lost my sense of humor about things like that. When I hear about well, just about everything–violence in the West Bank, Iraq, ‘accidental’ bombings, etc. I freak out about whether babies might have been involved. I could care about the rest of humanity but damnit anyone who hurts a baby…

    I never saw the ‘dingo ate my baby’ movie and I guess now I never can. Aw shucks. Another great Meryl accent missed.

  13. the two dingo-canapes on the back of the sofa whose heads didn’t make it in the shot look sort of pale and sickly…ripe for the pickin’. they sure have good balance though. the rest of those babies are just plain adorable.

  14. I was totally able to pick out the Squirrely before you told us which one was him!
    I’m so proud of that!!

    What a classic picture. I’d love to see the same bunch together for a photo at age 15. Yikes.

  15. Dingo buffet!!

    Here’s the weird thing: That picture looks EXACTLY like the picture we have of OUR birthing class reunion. Same couch, same number of babies, same amount of slouch and lean. OK, I think my baby was cuter than any of them except of course the squirrely, but that’s the only difference.

    By the way, I predict it will only take a few episodes of Total Diaper Failure before the couple with the white couch ditches it for something more … camoflauge-able.

  16. MAGNIFICENT PIC

  17. Cute… Love the dingo buffet line

    And what’s the Squirrely just done to the kid to his right? – he wants out

  18. I can’t believe the Baby Police haven’t arrested the parents who took their kid out without socks. Doesn’t some kind of alarm go off at headquarters?

  19. yes, the dingo line was funny. but what nearly had me spitting dr. pepper onto my work-computer was the thought of meeting you and then pooping my pants to insure you’d remember my name.

    cute offspring ya got there, by the way.

  20. I believe a true dingo buffet would have a higher content of aborigne.

    Cute picture though.

    This short caption came to mind after seeing the picture:
    ” So there we were huddled together, safety in numbers, that was our mantra. The assault on our senses was fast and blinding, explosion after explosion, of terrifying light followed by that insidious clicking sound. Our handlers had each betrayed our trust and deserted us to this white, lopsided perch.

    All we had now was each other to lean on, quite literally.

    The spots in my eyes had just began to fade as multiple larger creatures descended out of the flash induced blindness and whisked us away one by one.

    Bob was the first to be taken. I’ll miss him.

    If I survive to tell this tale, I will continue to look to the fuzzy place just past my range of focus, and thank providence.”

  21. The group of all the newborns seems to be a tradition among birthing classes. We have the same shot from our class, and to be honest, its hard to tell the difference between the two photos. The domino effect is there, all of them either sleeping or grouchy, some muscling for position and others being tipped by some cosmic horizontal gravity.

  22. Well, you knew somebody was going to do this.

  23. mmmmmmmm. babies.

  24. i could tell which one was the squirrely, he has a very concerned-looking browline.
    WILL NO ONE SAVE THE BABY ON THE RIGHT? PINK FLUFFY THINGS ARE EATING HER FEET!

  25. recent g8 summit?

    J.T.

  26. I went to a birthday party for a 4 year old this weekend and our nametags were, Bubba, Bubba’s Mom and Bubba’s Dad. Would it have killed the host to put our actual names in parenthesis or something?

  27. that is such an awesome picture.
    but my eyes keep gravitating to the poor thing on the arm of the couch. she’s going to fall!
    my daughter has tumbled off the arm of the couch so many times this year that we refer to that side as “emeline’s concussion corner”.

  28. aurora, I think the one on the arm’s safe…there appears to be an adult-sized arm behind her for added stability.

  29. look at all the cute little white babies!

  30. hmm not sure how i got here but nice baby lineup.

    “allright babies, which one of ya made the doodies? i can wait all afternoon if i have to!!” =)

    p.s. awesome tyedye sox!!!! if i have a kid im so copying that!!!