Another Item On My Lifetime ‘To-Do’ List
Establish a retirement community for washed-up comedians and call it “Wise Acres”
Our Product Will Make Your Teeth Fall Out
From: Lamar <firstname.lastname@example.org>
OUR PRODUCT WILL MAKE ALL YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE click here!!
To: Lamar <email@example.com>
Subject: Re: DREAMS
Thanks for the email, Lamar, but that sounds like overkill. If you ever invent something that can make just some of my dreams come true -- those involving flying, for instance -- while skipping over the ones where I haven't done the required reading for a geography exam or I'm being chased by The Wiggles, feel free to write me again.
Do not start playing Bowman because then you will not stop playing Bowman.
This shareware text editor is pretty great.
Hoisted By His Own Petard
In a recent interview, Ray Bradbury, author of Fahrenheit 451, ripped filmmaker Michael Moore for his appropriation of the science-fiction novel’s title. “Michael Moore is a screwed asshole, that is what I think about that case,” said the 84-year-old writer. “He is a horrible human being — horrible human!”
In other news, the latest issue of Rolling Stone features an interview with William Shakespeare, in which the Bard of Avon decries Bradbury’s use of the phrase “something wicked this way comes.” “That mewling cutpurse plucked the title from the pages of my MacBeth direct,” carped the long dead poet and playwright, who later went on to describe Bradbury as “sick in the world’s regard, wretched and low, a poor unminded outlaw sneaking home.”
Speaking Of Which …
I assumed that someone had already made a porn movie entitled “Something Wicked This Way Comes,” but I can’t seem to find it via Google. Man, there’s a vast untapped market right there: adult films based on the works of William Shakespeare. The Taming Of The Screw. A Midsummer’s Night Ream. The Merchant of Penis. The Two Gentlemen of Veronica. And I think we can all agree that Henry VIII could only be improved by the addition of girl-on-girl action.
Update: In the comments, Marcy says: “I took a class … called Shakespeare, Transnational Cinema, and Mass Media. We had to read entire essays devoted to the use of Shakespeare in porn films. More information is available here and here.” The later page includes a review of — yes! — The Taming of the Screw. Thanks, Marcy!