Kerry: Beer Begins At Fermentation

Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry rekindled a contentious election-year debate today, saying that he believes that beer begins at fermentation. The statement stands in stark contrast to the White House assertion that beer does not technically begin until its "born on" date.

The Bush campaign was quick to seize on the controversy, calling it the latest in a series of Kerry misstatements and reversals. "The senator from Massachusetts may be confused by the so-called 'beer' he prefers: imported, foreign brew, possibly even that nasty Belgian stuff with the yeast at the bottom," spectulated Bush campaign spokesman Simon Wiley. "But here in America, it ain't beer until it's been bottled -- preferably somewhere in the heartland of Milwaukee."

Kerry has been dogged by allegations of "flip-flopping" on the subject of the world's greatest beverage since earlier this year, when he made his infamous and improbable claim that Miller Lite "is less filling, but also tastes great."

* * *