Squirrelly’s Revenge

Okay, well, I was joking about stealing The Squirrelly’s flu shot in that last post. But one thing I mentioned is true, as imposible as it sounds: it’s been eight months since the kid up and got himself borned.

And guess what he figured out how to do last week. Here’s a hint: now when I set him down at some spot in the living room and wander into the den to play Diablo II for 20 minutes, I return to find him on the other side of the room and licking a light socket.

Yes, The Squirrelly has discovered the joys of locomotion. Naturally, he immediately used his newfound superpowers to make some minor revisions to the household pecking order.

The first day home from the hospital

“Vengence is mine!”

Possibly the only critters in the house less thrilled with this development than the kitties are The Queen and I, since we had decided to forego babyproofing the house in favor of steadfastly pretending that this day would never arrive. So now we have to, like, put padding on the edges of coffee tables, and I can no longer keep my collection of obsidian arrowheads in bowl on the living room floor.

And what did The Squirrelly do two days after learning to crawl? That’s right: he started grabbing onto things and pulling himself into a standing position, getting ready to start walking. JEEZE STOP AND SMELL THE ROSES FOR A SECOND WHY DON’T YOU KID?!

Oh well — maybe if he’s an early walker he’ll also be an earlier talker, and we can put him into kindergarden a year early, and then he’ll skip a few grades here and there and and start high school at the age of 10 and get all A’s and receive a full scholarship to some college and move out of the house when he’s 14 and then The Queen and I can start seeing movies again as early as 2016! Oh man, that’s gonna be great.

“Lookit me crawl! I’m your worst nightmare!”

27 thoughts on “Squirrelly’s Revenge

  1. Movies? Out together, like, as a couple? (evil, hysterical laughter) Dude, get to know Netflix.
    On the other hand, sometimes just sitting and watching the strange, not-quite-human drool/spit-up/pee/poop machine figuring everything out beats mass-entertainment anyway.

  2. Our 10 1/2 month old did the same thing at 7 months and we were just as panic-stricken. Crawled one day, stood two days later. Well, it’s almost 4 months later and he’s still content to pull up and stand, maybe ‘walk’ from furniture to furniture occasionaly, but he’s just not that into walking yet.

    Yeah, and he’s madly in love with the cat too. Our poor 19 year old cat. She hates her life at this point.

  3. You are about to enter the Golden Age of Parenting as my father-in-law calls it: the time in which they can understand what you tell them to do, and will do it, but cannot yet offer a spoken response. It lasts about a week. Enjoy.

  4. I love The Squirrelly! Boy, has he grown. My favorite Squirrelly story is still the one about you dropping him and The Queen coming out of nowhere. Laughed my butt off! Keep on posting about him and The Queen! Love it, love it, love it!

  5. He is adorable!

    Be careful what you wish for. An early walker is cute but a PITA. They still don’t get the concept of “dangerous” but can walk anywhere! They’re fast too. My first started walking at 10.5 months, my second at 14. I’ll take 14 mos anyday. :-)

  6. Forget going to movies: just think of the reduced tuition costs of going to college eight years early! I mean, assuming he doesn’t get those scholarships you mentioned.

  7. I think we’ve got you beat for trouble.

    My wife gave birth to twins about two weeks ago, and each of our little girls is about five pounds. Each of our two cats are fifteen pounds…

    We quickly determined that nothing cute would ever come of a fifteen pound cat jumping into a bassinet with a five pound baby, so they’re in perminant exile until Lillie and Bettie can at least match them for mass.

    As for childproofing imagine this, twins are supposed to cooperate and communicate well with each other. One will boost the other over child barriers, or they’ll both bodyslam it simultaneously. One will haul open the childproof cabinet while the other rummages inside it. One will scare the cat out from under the couch and the other will catch it. One will get the gas, and the other will get the matches, etc…

  8. Netflix? Hah. We had one Netflick out for almost six months before finally sending it back, unwatched.

    After 8 months of parenting, the very idea of two open hours to just watch a movie sounds like an urban legend.

  9. Even after several harrowing days with the little one at home, your posts can make me and the missuz piss our shorts!

    Thanks for the laugh!

  10. Hey Squirrely! You are one hot baby. I’m with you, dude. Crawling is just so…yesterday. It’s time to start walking! And the sooner you start talking the sooner you can start talking back…

    Make. The. Cat. Pay.

  11. I am dying from the cuteness!! So cute!! I can’t believe he has grown so fast…

    I can’t decide if I want the baby or the kitty, though.

    Gah! Cuteness!!!

  12. That took me back a bit — our daughter is 5.7 now & I remember vividly what it was like when the locomotion phase started. After she started crawling, not a pen below my knee level was safe in the entire apartment, for starters. Be particularly vigilant on the walking phase, I think most kids learn about stepping off stairs and porches through pain. Take care

  13. Next thing you are gonna discover is that The Small One likes to steal shiny and not so shiny objects within it’s reach. Not so steal actually as to just move things from the place you put to the place where you’ll never find them. Hi-tech items (like cell phones and digital cameras) are gone first.

  14. The second place to look for lost shiny objects is the toilet that somehow doesn’t seem to be flushing like it used to.

  15. Our little Diva turns 1 year old on Sunday. She is on the move too – and cannot get enough of magazines, newspapers, and kind of paper.

  16. Welcome to flood cleaning, you have to clean farther off the ground as they get taller for the next 2-3 years. also remember that car keys are fun to put inside of tiny baby toys (we fouind a set in a sit and spin, months after we purchased replacement keys) I suggest have no less then 3 spare sets, at any given time.

  17. Did dooce use your scenario in her month nine newsletter? “But I have to admit that having you immobile is kinda convenient. I can turn my back and not worry that you

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