Cars And Kismet

If you had to pick a single word to describe me, and "callipygian" was for some reason disallowed, you couldn't go wrong with "lucky." I consider myself to be an inordinately fortunate guy. And I don't just mean in the passive sense of having a wonderful wife and a great kid and two awesome cats and living in the best

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Romance In Checkstand Three

While standing in the checkout line at the grocery store today, I noticed that the guy in front of me was purchasing three items: a bouquet of flowers, a bottle of wine, and a 12-pack of condoms. It took all my willpower not to lightly punch him in the shoulder and say "Good luck, there, champ!"

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Books: Stiff

"Hey, whatcha reading?" "Oh, you know: a book about corpses." I'm tempted to immediately reread this, just so I can keep saying that. Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers is 300 pages about dead people. Or, rather, it's not about the people at all, but what they leave behind. In fact, one of the first things author Mary Roach

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The Bad Review Revue

Taxi: "As entertaining as watching a potato bake." -- Marc Savlov, AUSTIN CHRONICLE Ladder 49: "Bearable only to people in deep mourning and vulnerable to emotional coercion." -- John Anderson, NEWSDAY What the *$%# Do We Know?: "Like being stuck at a science fair, with a 5-year-old on one side asking questions and his hippie parents on the other fumbling

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Some Notes About The Debate IV: The Final Chapter

I'd call this one a very minor win for Bush, if only because (1) this was the only debate where I didn't spend the whole 90 minute incredulous that this guy was elected in the first place, and (2) I felt like Kerry just took his statements from previous debates and played them back on "randomize" ("I have a plan,"

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PSA

Me and The Squirrelly went to the library yesterday. At the check-out counter, the woman behind the desk said "Oh my god, he's so cute! He looks like an 80 year-old man!" So if you are an octogenarian reader with a librarian fetish, drop me a line and I'll give you the 411 on the last person who considers you

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How To Identify The Other Nerd In The Car

When you are driving around with a group of friends and see a young woman precariously tottering down the sidewalk in four-inch heel platform shoes, exclaim "Jesus, she looks like an AT-AT walker" and listen for the person in the vehicle who snorts appreciatively at your analogy. Update: Dear Internet, stop sending me email about the AT-ST walker. Nerds.

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Saved By The Bus

Woman One is standing at a bus stop; Woman Two, carrying a stack of Watchtower magazines is walking by. Woman Two recognizes Woman One and stops in her tracks.Woman Two: Well, heeeeey! Woman One: Oh. Oh, hi. W2: What's going on? W1: Oh, just, you know. Waiting for my bus. W2: I hear you. [Pause] W2: You been at work?

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The Works: Humor Sites

I'm on KUOW's The Works tonight at 8:00, talking about the history of humor on the Internet. Here are the sites we mention by name:The Onion -- the great grandpappy of Internet humor sites.Brunching Shuttlecocks -- sadly defunct, but the archives are still there for the browsingHomestar Runner -- "Strong Bad's Email" is especially popularMetafilter -- a great way to

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