Matt…re subsequent kids. ours are 22 and 19 now and i often wish we had had more. we first had a boy, and he was a blast, and because he was so much fun we decided to have another, and then we had a girl, also a blast. but as they aged into that phase when they wanted nothing to do with us, the fun years when they liked our company grew faint in our memories and i wished we had others to go through those good times again. and only-children need sibling/s so they learn how the world outside the house doesn’t think they’re the be-all and end-all. it sounds like you’re doing a great job, so far.
With regards to: “Have you ever felt your kid wasn’t yours?” — I think you all have kids that are too little to generate that moment of weirdness. I don’t think I had it until mine was about 5. All of a sudden, she was her own little person with her own hang-ups and passions. Then it was like, “Shit — we should have asked her more questions on the roommate application. Oh, wait…”
With regards to having more than one: Personally, I’m surprised that parents out there manage to “reconvene the procedure” often enough to have big families. Between sleep deprivation and constant interruption, “in the mood” quickly becomes a relative, not an absolute, statement.
If you ARE in the market for siblings, though, I think there are benefits to a 3-5 year separation. For one, you’ve managed to have at least a year of decent sleep so you can make a rational decision. For another, kids in that age range begin to actively want little siblings — it’s like some sort of kindergarten fashion accessory.
Matthew! You put your finger on the most utterly fascinating and even baffling thing about watching my baby. That strange thing where somehow they ‘know’ it’s time to do x…and she would practice crawling but how the hell did she know that this was even possible. She would even get frustrated that she couldn’t do this thing she couldn’t possibly know about, really.