Desperately Seeking Stupid

It’s that time of year again: time to ask dy readers to send me stupid shit you can buy on teh Internets for inclusion in my annual “Holiday Survival Guide For Slackers.” Examples!

The Little Whizzer Liquor Dispenser is a small, plastic statue of a toddler that pees gin into your tonic. The Spencer Gifts Web site describes this as


  1. Here are a couple for you –

    Is it a holy icon, or a dessert? It’s BOTH! The nativity scene s’mores kit (

    Remember the reason for the season with these great cards (

    Happy holidays to you, The Queen, and the Squirrely!

  2. Hi,
    To truly brighten your Holiday Spirits, boost your self-esteem, AND fulfill the gift need of a friend/family member, do this:
    Go to ebay and search for “Sad Clown”
    After laughing for about a half hour, buy the most hideous item available.
    You’re welcome.

  3. This was just posted on Metafilter.

    For those who think “Office Space” was one of the best movies ever made.
    Build your own office cubical with The Cubes.

    (via Metafilter – )


  5. The Mr Coffee Hot Cocoa maker

    For people that can’t handle “open package, dump into hot water, stir.”

  6. Pooping Reindeer Candy!

  7. The Turd Twister – Insertable Turd Extrusion kit.


    be sure to read the testimonials!


    I’d love it.

  10. When I read that line about “stupid shit you can but on teh Internets”, at first I thought you were parodying the Commander in Chief of the US armed forces, who also talked about the Internets. I’ve never butted any stupid shit, though.

  11. Intra Customer Service Clerk
    hahaha. well played clerks….

  12. Sorry, no bad gift ideas. In fact, I’m writing to say that these sorts of gifts are aimed at me. I almost bought that whizzing drink dispenser for a friend but when I went to the store they didn’t have it. This is the same friend who has a keychain with a pig on it. When you squeeze the pig brown poopy stuff comes out its butt and then goes back in.

  13. This is so wrong, in so many ways:

    “Romeo and Juliet


    For the woman on the go…


  16. Thank you, shooshie. Thank you.

  17. These are rad. The flesh eating virus is the coolest one.

  18. I uncovered this while I was researching my list of “things cars should do but don’t”. Why not a life-sized hologram?

  19. Now, I would actually like a little plush Black Death microbe to cuddle up with at night. I think it’s cute.

    Here’s the ultimate gift for the math geek in your life:

  20. Oh, I’m too late, but I still wanted to share… the Octodog.