Security Systems

I talk to another new father:

Me: Does your daughter have, like, a security blanket?

B: She has a stuffed animal she carries around. Why?

M: I read that kids at this age will become attached to a “security’ something-or-other. But The Squirrelly hasn’t really taken to anything.

B: That’s probably for the best. When I was a little kid my parents had to take my blanket away.

M: They took away your security blanket? No wonder you are so screwed up.

B: They were trying to get me to stop sucking my thumb, and I only did it when I was carrying my security blanket. So, one night, the blanket disappeared …

M: I’m sure your folks sent it to a beautiful farm, some place where it could roam free.

B: … and when I woke up there was a note that said that it had been taken by the Blanket Fairy.

M: ?? The “Blanket Fairy?”

B: You know, like the Tooth Fairy? He took the blanket and left fifty cents. And after that I didn’t suck my thumb any more, so I guess it worked.

M: It’s a good thing, too. If it hadn’t you would have woken up one morning to find yourself with eight fingers and a buck in change from the Thumb Fairy.

{ Laughter }

B: [Little kid’s voice] “Whaa! I can’t even pick up the quarters!!”

Windows Pain

Wow, two anti-Microsoft posts in the last week — what’s up with that? I’m usually not a MS hayta — I’m a linux and firefox guy myself, but I like Word and Publisher just fine. But driving home from work yesterday I heard a story on the local NPR station about how Microsoft was announcing yet another “critical” safety flaw in Internet Explorer, and I remember thinking, “Jesus, haven’t I heard this exact same story, like, twice a month for the last four years?”

That’s one bummer about living in Seattle: everytime there’s a new vulnerability found in Windows we hear about it on the local news. At this point, the NPR affiliate probably just has a standard 30-second “Internet Explorer” piece that they use whenever they need to pad out their show a bit.


My father always used to say, “when the world gives you lemons, make
lemonade.” I took his advice to heart … and now I own the largest lemonade factory in the continetal United States!

Of course, the world doesn’t “give” us lemons — I have to buy them. And my company doesn’t “make” lemonade — we just throw the lemons at pedestrians.

Adventures in Communication

  • The Queen, The Squirrelly and I were taking a day hike. A mile into the forest we encountered a women who was standing off to the side of the trail and talking on her cell. About an hour later, as we were coming back, we saw the same woman in the same spot, still yammering into her phone. “She got a very specific calling plan,” The Queen speculated as we passed. “The rates are dirt cheap, but that’s the only place in the State she gets reception.”
  • One of the joys of being a new father is getting into conversations with co-workers who have also recently had babies, and having this long, involve discussions about the mechanics of birth and infant care without using any words like “vaginal” or “breastpump,” instead choosing phrases like “yes, the baby was 10 lbs, 7 oz. but she still gave birth to him, um, the not-cesarean way.” It’s like playing pick-up games of Taboo.