Darth Vader Made Me Cry

One of defective yeti’s most popular posts has always been Darth Vader Made Me Cry, my true tale of meeting the dark lord of the Sith in a local department store when I was eight.

In the years since I wrote it I’ve been telling an expanded version of the yarn in various venues, including A Guide To Visitors, and as my opening for Kevin Guilfoile at the Elliot Bay Bookstore. I’ve been meaning to revise the original article for a while now, and the release of Revenge of the Sith seemed like a good time to do it.

So head on over to The Morning News today and get the whole sob story: Darth Vader Made Me Cry.

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18 comments.

  1. I don’t know why but that story always makes me smile!

  2. Defective Yeti made ME cry.

    The TMN revision is an improvement.

  3. I think we, the internet community, should do everything we can to try and hunt down the guy who was dressed up as Darth Vader that day.

    We could get the reasoning behind his act. And then we, the internet community, could beat him up.

  4. My godson Teddy (now 2 1/2) has never seen any of the SW movies, but he has been exposed to Darth Vader through the ubiquitous advertising in malls, convenience stores, etc. A lot of these are large stand-up displays (or huge window decals), which are pretty imposing, particularly if you’re not aware that he’s pimping Mountain Dew and Whoppers.

    Brief digression – last fall Teddy was too scared to go near, let alone into, the Seattle Sci-Fi Museum due to the large Gort statue outside. “Scaawy! Scaawy!”.

    So he has a history of being scared by imposing Sci-Fi milestones – and obviously he’s been a bit affected by all the Vader-tisements going on, but he’s learned to strike back!

    Whenever he sees Vader he declares “darthvadergohome!”.

    And while I’m very proud that his parents are teaching him the correct application of the Force, there may be a Sith somewhere in his play group, as he has apparently also begun covering up his head with a towel and pretending to BE Darth Vader…

    Still, I won’t worry unless I hear that his next pediatric check-up shows a jump in his midichlorian count. That would be very bad… but still unbelievably cute.

    Rise, Darth Cuddly!
    Awwwwwwwwwww!!!!!

  5. i still love this story but i have to say i prefer the original.

  6. We took our son to meet Spider-Man for the first time on Sunday and he didn’t cry. In fact he couldn’t stop looking at him so we could take the picture.

    I love your story. Thanks for posting it.

  7. “Beat him up”?! Clearly, the Vader-suited dude at the mall was the man. So he made Matt cry — so what? He’s the freakin’ Dark Lord! I think he should be getting a lot of praise both for staying in character and for creatively advancing the Star wars mythos.

  8. FIY – Kevin Smith had a similar experience (with a different result) as a kid. Curiously, you can view the jpeg of the Rolling Stone article here and here

  9. If David Prowse stubs his toe in his living room, does James Earl Jones say Ow?

  10. Defective Yeti was the very first blog I ever read, and Darth Vader Made Me Cry was the very first entry I read.

    So thank you so very fucking much, Matthew. I now waste several hours a day reading blogs and posting to my own, all because your damn story made me wax nostalgic about a time when I was 8 years old and saw Darth Vader in a Piggly Wiggly in Augusta, Georgia.

  11. That cracks me up, very funny story. Darth is scary enough without scratching out love, it could put in a sitcom, get writing.

  12. I’ve never read the Darth Vader Made Me Cry story before. It was really good Matt, you’re killer funny man!

    Mike D.: I desperately want the reasoning behind the act. I wish you success in your campaign to find him, though I discourage any beatings.

    Rusell: I don’t think crossing out “love” is in character. DV would have more style than that. Plus, as a co-worker pointed out, the signature is nothing like that of a dark lord’s. It’s more like that of, I dunno’, a struggling actor. He really could have made it more jagged and imposing!

  13. That was one of the funniest stories I

  14. That is such a great story and I love it especially because I have a second grader obsessed yet slightly terrified of Star Wars. It got me a little into her head on the whole thing. It also reminds me of the time I sat on Santa’s lap and he had a chunk of hot dog caught in his beard.

  15. That was the sweetest story. But i’m considering not going to see the movie now.. that was low, man.

    That you just simply don’t do! I don’t care if you are the lord of the darkest frigging side!

  16. I’m soooo scared of DV to this day. When I see the movie I will have to run out of the theater at the scary parts.

  17. I love this story. It’s just a classic, along the lines of Jean Shepherd’s “A Christmas Story.”

  18. I just had to say that I have enjoyed reading your blog so far. Very entertaining! lol