Womb Service

The Squirrelly spends a lot of time in the car: going to and from daycare, to and from swimming lessons, to and from music class. He spends the ride strapped in his car seat, clawing banana cips from his Snack-Trap™, drinking water from his travel sippy cup, and letting the vehicle carry him where it may. Honestly, he wasn’t so much born as upgraded to a better womb. When he turns five and has to start attending school, we’ll hire a midwife to extract him from the Toyota and send him on his way.

I think this is just an intermediate step, as we humans slowly evolve into marsupials. Someday in the near future our baby-carrying devices will merge with us, and will we carry our infants around in a pocket complete with built-in DVD player and Goldfish cracker dispenser. If there is any any justice in the universe, it’s the fathers who will wind up bepouched.

8 thoughts on “Womb Service

  1. At least in this area, if you want to be viewed as a responsible parent, you can’t evict children from the car-womb until, well, I don’t know when. They aparently could be kidnapped at any moment.

    Though it is a wonder that the same people passing this judgement on us parents now, had no trouble shooing us out the door to walk to school, or to play without supervision, when we were kids.

  2. At least The Squirrelly can drink from his sippy cup. By the time I get my son strapped into his carseat, he is completely entombed by his winter parka. He is unable to move his upper body and his arms stick out like a mummy’s.

    Come to think of it, it’s kind of cute.

  3. We decided to take our 15 month old on a road trip from Denver to Phoenix. 875 miles of bored baby.

    So, with guilt in my heart, I bought a portable DVD for him to watch Baby Einsteins on. And guess what? We got there and back without single meltdown.

    Now I’m just going to put that DVD player away until the next monster trip. Yeah, that’s it. Or maybe until I want to go to the new Costco across town….

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