False Advertising

Apparently a Las Vegas bodybuilder and his wife killed their personal trainer, put the body in the trunk of a Jaguar, and set the vehicle ablaze before fleeing to Boston. I heard the story on the last night's news. I knew that whole "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" slogan was a bunch of crap.

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Christmas Wrap-Up

The family and I spent Christmas and a few days thereafter at Ma and Pa Baldwins. Here's the wrapup. * * * * * For weeks there have been signs posted around my neighborhood, urging the citizenry to get all fired up for an upcoming "Holiday Parade." Well, last Saturday that promise was fulfilled, and it's a good thing I

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Holiday Survival Guide For Slackers 2005

My annual Holiday Survival Guide For Slackers appears today in The Morning News. Please go read it and guffaw somewhere in a vicinity of four or five times. Thanks to the many people who sent in suggestions, especially to Ryan (gold-plated slinky), Mel (NASCAR Crockpot), Adam (iAttire), Mike (Pretender Call Breaker), remlapm (Flip Flap), and machaus (Vomito de Gato sign).

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Talkin’ Bout A Revolution

The Squirrelly's new favorite game is "kittycat," though he tends to leave out the "ee" part of "meow" when playing. All of the sudden he'll leap to his feet and start marching about the living room shouting "Mao! Mao!" like he's trying to foment his own little cultural revolution and overthrow our bourgeoisie household. Fortunately, I think we're safe. Lord

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How To Watch Revenge Of The Sith

(See also: How To Watch The Phantom Menace, How To Watch Attack of the Clones.) Long, long ago, in a childhood far, far away, I was a child obsessed with Star Wars. By the age of twelve I already had every available piece of Star Wars trivia crammed into my head (diameter of the Death Star? 120 kilometers), including the

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Desperately Seeking Stupid

Yes, it's that time of year again -- time to send me your suggestion for the stupidest items available for sale on Internets 3-7 for my annual Holiday Survival Guide for Slackers. See previous Slacker Guides here: 2002, 2003, & 2004. If you've found something so stuplime that it merits inclusion, send me an email at matthew@defectiveyeti.com, or mention it

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I’m A-Start Some Drama

I walked into the kitchen this morning to find The Queen groggily gathering coffee-making accoutrements. "Wha'cha gonna do wit all dat junk?" I asked her. "All dat junk inside yo trunk?" She scowled at me as a reminder of the household's "no conversation before caffeine" rule, but then asked, "What are you saying?" "No no, that was all wrong" I

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Play Canada!

Hello Canucks! There's a rumor going around that I might be on CBC's Morning Edition tomorrow morning doing my boardgame spiel. They'll be calling me at the unholy hour of 5:30 AM for a phone interview, so it's likely that, at this time tomorrow, I'll have no recollection whatsoever as to whether or not this actually happened. If someone in

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Hola, Amigos

At 7:30 this morning, there was a knock at our front door. No one ever knocks on our door at 7:30 in the morning. I opened it to find a scruffy looking young man, perhaps 18, clad in sweatshirt, a black stretch cap, and what was presumably going to be a mustache when it grew up. My first thought was:

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Good Gift Games On The Beat

I will be live on KOUW's The Beat tomorrow at 2:00 talking about my picks for the best gift games of the year. Update: You can now listen to the show online at http://www.kuow.org/thebeat.asp?Archive=12-13. Here are the games I mention by name:For Sale: The game I likened to Monopoly.Poison: The game I likened to Hearts.China: The game I likened to

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