Play Canada!

Hello Canucks! There’s a rumor going around that I might be on CBC’s Morning Edition tomorrow morning doing my boardgame spiel. They’ll be calling me at the unholy hour of 5:30 AM for a phone interview, so it’s likely that, at this time tomorrow, I’ll have no recollection whatsoever as to whether or not this actually happened. If someone in a more Northerly nation and Easterly time zone could listen and let me know, that would be swell.

This marks the third form of media that The Good Gift Games Guide has appeared in this year (hypertext, radio, Canadian). Is there any doubt that I will be on The O’Reilly Factor by next Tuesday? “No Bill, you shut up,” I shall say. “I sank your battleship fair and square!”

If you happen to work for a major media outlet and are wondering whether or not to book me for your talk show / news program / Ab-alizer 1200 infomercial / public service annoucement about the dangers of ferret-taunting (“… for more information, please visit slenderfury.org …”), allow me to cite credentials:

  • Can speak eloquently and extemporaneously on any of the half dozen or so subject that I actually care about, including board games, my wife, the works of Infocom, fatherhood, silver era DC supeheroes, that one clip on America’s Funniest Home Videos where the dog is running around on a frozen lake and his owner calls him and the dog runs at the owner as fast as he can and the owner realizes what is going to happen and starts yelling “No, no! Stop!” but the dog can’t stop because he’s on ice and he crashes into the owner and the owner does an entire flip and lands on his bottom, and beer.
  • Heard that song “My Humps” by The Black Eyed Peas on the radio today (this isn’t strictly a “credential” but, omigod, have you heard that song? It’s so! bad!)
  • Moderately not unattractive.

Media inquiries should be directed to my publicist who, by sheer coincidence, has exactly the same email address as me: matthew@defectiveyeti.com. I’m angling for the Tony Danza show here, obviously, but will take anything.

Update: Canadian and awesome (but I repeat myself) reader Kyle actually heard me this morning, and sent me the link to the segment. I just listened to it, and I think it went pretty well. My favorite part is where I run roughshod over the host, like, three times in a row, not allowing her to get a word in edgewise. Typical American / Canadian interaction. On a scale of 1 to jerk, I reckon I scored about a seven.

On the upside, that does allow me to add another item to my list of credentials: “Fluent in bullying, boorish discourse, perfect for political programs.”

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20 comments.

  1. Turned on comments primarily to facilitate discussion about that Black Eye Peas song. I mean, have you heard it? Oh my goodness.

  2. Why was the host always talking about a boat? Or a boot? It was all very confusing? Is there a boat in the Settlers of Catan?

  3. in the back and in the front. funny how it stays with you through the day.

  4. actually, that whole “run roughshod over the commentator” – HAPPENS ALL THE TIME.
    :)
    mostly because there is actually a slight delay on the board when you’re doing a phone interview, so the interviewee doesn’t realize that the host is speaking – they hear silence.
    Then again, I’ve had interviewees just stomp all over the place, too…
    want to talk about opera? are there any opera/classical music games I don’t know about?

    ~wod~

  5. Matt, I don’t think you’re going to get the kind of response you’re hoping for on this black eyed peas song. maybe if they played it on the gilmore girls. that show’s got a cult following that rivals scientology.

  6. “The most fascinating aspect of My Humps is that it is widely believed to be the most successful unsolicited single in history, and, as of this writing, it is the most-downloaded song in the country

  7. My Humps is now overplayed, and I agree it sucks. But originally? Amazing song. The way the beat drops in the beginning and the way it continues throughout the song…great. But I am tired of it now.

  8. I’m with you, Matt. When the guy says “Whatchoo gonna do with all that breast in your shirt” I’d be like, um, I dunno, have a fricking kid and then stick it in its mouth 10,000 times? How is that line sexy to anyone?

    We’re old. Wanna meet me at Red Robin for the early bird special?

  9. While I haven’t seen the clip on “America’s Funniest Home Video’s”, I suspect that your description of it is far more hysterical than the actual clip. (Sorry to post off-topic.)

  10. Having never tuned to a station other than The Mighty KEXP I have never heard “My Humps”… yet another reason to give them all the money I have.

    At any rate here is a scathing and entirely awesome commentary on the “My Humps” phenomenon

    http://www.cokemachineglow.com/feature/article/message.html

  11. Your voice is exactly like one of my best friend’s. It’s creeping me out.

  12. Don’t think I’ve heard “my lumps”, but I had to check for http://www.slenderfury.org – no such animal. What a great domain name, though.

  13. I am so with you. You know that sick feeling you get when you watch some socially awkward situation occur…I’m talking after school special about teenage pregnancy awkward, walking out of the bathroom with a big banner of toilet paper stuck to your shoe awkward, waving back at someone who is waving to someone standing behind you awkward…and you cringe but you can’t look away. That’s how I feel when I hear Fergie sing “my lovely lady lumps”. I just want her to unsing it. Please.

  14. My Humps truly is a terrible song.

  15. Hearing it is one thing, seeing is believing. Here’s what I had to sy about their Grey Cup halftime performance: Mr. Nag was channel surfing last night and we hit the Grey Cup halftime show. We were both mesmerized by the Black Eyed Peas performance, especially the part with Fergie presenting her nether regions like a dog in heat and moaning about humps and lady lumps. Can’t help but wonder what Bob and Edna out in Stettler thought of this. Now, if I could only get Mr. Nag to stop humming that catchy tune.

  16. Lets spend time not money.
    and mix your milk wit my cocoa puffs

  17. Your interview was only on CBC Saskatchewan? No wonder I couldn’t find it on a later feed, such as CBC Vancouver.

  18. First, let’s stipulate that stupid — even breathtakingly stupid — pop songs do not have the specific gravity to threaten the fabric of the universe. If it were so, the universe would have ended in 1972, when “Alone Again, Naturally” hit No. 1 on the American charts. Or possibly even in 1939, when “Three Little Fishes” was No. 1 in America.

    In “My Hump’s” defense, I should point out that no less an authority than Sir Mix A Lot places it firmly among his top three songs about asses. (No. 1? “Baby Got Back,” of course.) So the song has some merits, to some audiences.

    But personally, if I’m going to get all pseudocryptic about female charms, I still prefer the classic “Milkshake.” Kelis preserves the mystery and tension necessary for great art to be created. Fergie just lays it all out like a “Wash hands before leaving restroom” sign.

  19. Sorry, but its “Silver Age” not “Silver Era.” *insert snoddy nose-mouth sound that shows how uppity that I am*

  20. Oh yeah…yer number one in Saskatchewan!

    BTW…I like the way she runs roughshod over you first. You held your own…starting with “I’d say you’re wrong” salvo!

    But seriously…good interview.