Desperately Seeking Stupid

Yes, it’s that time of year again — time to send me your suggestion for the stupidest items available for sale on Internets 3-7 for my annual Holiday Survival Guide for Slackers. See previous Slacker Guides here: 2002, 2003, & 2004. If you’ve found something so stuplime that it merits inclusion, send me an email at matthew@defectiveyeti.com, or mention it in the comments to this post. Thanks!

37 thoughts on “Desperately Seeking Stupid

  1. I’m not sure if this is really stupid, but did you know that people are spending good money to buy imaginary money for use in MMOG’s? Ebay has 280+ lots of ISK (the currency of EVE Online) for sale at the moment. When we say “Get a life”, we need to specify “get a *real* life”!

  2. How bout the Handi-Cleanse Personal Hygiene System?

    The Handi-Cleanse Personal Hygiene System is a hand held bidet sprayer. This product attaches to any standard tank toilet and no plumber is required to set it up. Handi-Cleanse cleans & refreshes, is easy to install and use, is for anal and vaginal use, and for elderly & physically challenged people. This contains no harmful chemicals and is doctor recommended.

    The package contains:
    rubber washer
    handle spray head
    sealer tape
    stop valve
    fill valve

    Tools needed: pliers.

    Ok, its from “shopinprivate.com” so… uh, you can buy it privately, which is suggested ultimately. Secondly, um, WHICH doctor recommends a rigged up bidet for old people? Thirldly, I just love that it requires a set of pliers and comes with a STOPPER PLUG. Mmm, where to use them….

  3. ok forget all the others, how about this one.

    An artificial foreskin for men that have been circumsized!!!

    No joke, ‘When worn, the SenSlip will provide immediate protection.
    Irritation or friction to the penis will cease, and the surface
    of the glans and any remaining foreskin on the penile shaft
    will slowly become dekeratinized’

    check it out

    http://www.viafin-atlas.com/index2.asp

    warning: pictures of actual penises may offend.

  4. Why don’t you get them an mp3 of ‘My Hump’ – I mean, for the approximately 10 seconds its not on the radio, who could stand to be without it…

    This assumes, though, that the song isn’t burned into your brain already.

  5. All the useless stupidity you ever wanted in one site:

    The Chalk It! Mug. You know, so you can write fun messages in chalk on your mug. Because that’s not useless and messy or anything.

    The Shaking Shakers. How lazy could you possibly be?

    I don’t know about you, but I know where I’m doing my Christmas shopping next year. Yowza.

    The Strip Tease Mug. Dude. He’s not even naked. There’s a Speedo behind the CENSORED sign. Oh, my virgin eyes.

    The Roll Down Fruit Basket. Moderately useful, but it still looks uncannily like a small intestine. With an orange shooting out the end.

  6. Corrected with real live links!

    All the useless stupidity you ever wanted in one site: Taylor Gifts.

    The Chalk It! Mug. You know, so you can write fun messages in chalk on your mug. Because that’s not useless and messy or anything.

    The Shaking Shakers. How lazy could you possibly be?

    The Strip Tease Mug. Dude. He’s not even naked. There’s a Speedo behind the CENSORED sign. Oh, my virgin eyes.

    The Roll Down Fruit Basket. Moderately useful, but it still looks uncannily like a small intestine. With an orange shooting out the end.

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