Holiday Survival Guide For Slackers 2005

My annual Holiday Survival Guide For Slackers appears today in The Morning News. Please go read it and guffaw somewhere in a vicinity of four or five times.

Thanks to the many people who sent in suggestions, especially to Ryan (gold-plated slinky), Mel (NASCAR Crockpot), Adam (iAttire), Mike (Pretender Call Breaker), remlapm (Flip Flap), and machaus (Vomito de Gato sign).


  1. Cuidado! Vomito de Gato!

    I am still laughing, and hopefully so is everyone I know.

  2. Cuidado! I am DEFINITELY ordering one.

    Thankfully, my cats rarely yakk up a slimy mess. But it’s good to be prepared.

  3. Ooooh, I want the Ann Coulter doll. Along with an Abu Ghraib playset. Oh, the fun Ann and I could have together.

  4. Definitely funny ha-ha.

  5. They can call us Aaron Burr for the way we’re droppin’ Hamiltons!

  6. after I thoughtfully gave them all Hitachi Magic Wands to use in their Harry Potter playacting.

    you are fantastic.

  7. You should be featuring the Kasey Kahne crockpot! He is orginally from Enumclaw.

  8. Cuidado! Vomito de Gato! translated by Babel Fish:

    “Taken care of! I vomit of Cat!”

  9. Does that ipod cowboy outfit not look more like the outfit that the silver tongue of Hans Sprungfeld is dressed in by the antiquarian to hide it in the Simpsons “Lisa the iconoclast” Just saying.


  10. Alas, the Anne Coulter dolls are sold out and won’t be available until next year. I wanted to stage a grudge-match between Anne Coulter and my Xena Warrior Princess dolly.

    I did note, however, that while there are a number of talking dolls on the website, neither the “Top Gun” nor the “Turkey Dinner” George W. Bush dolls speak. Now there’s a missed opportunity…

  11. Great suggestions all.

    I laughed so hard at Vomito de Gato that I sent the link to all my relatives. My mom was offended, which somehow makes it even more hilarious. I got a “I never thought I’d see the day…” email in reply.

  12. I only GUFFAWED 3 times. I want my money back….oh…nevermind.

  13. I just showed my husband the NASCAR crockpot. He said, and I quote, “I had one of those once. I had to throw it away because it cooked stuff too fast.”

    Saw your blog in Seattle Magazine. Neat-o.

  14. I liked the 10 Dalla’ Xtreme gift card the best.

    “seeling Sneering Indifference by the gross”


    I give that a hearty BWAAHAA!

  15. The flip flap is a little solar powered plastic plant which moves slightly when you put it near a light source. A friend of mine got one for Christmas.