In a telling indicator of how we view the Vice President, every media outlet apparently feels the need to put the qualifier “accidentally” between the words “Cheney” and “Shoots” in their headlines, e.g., “Cheney Accidentally Shoots Fellow Hunter,” “Cheney accidentally shoots Austin man while hunting,” etc..

If you read “Bush Stabs Fellow Napper,” you’d chuckle knowingly and say “oh, that loveable bumbler — what will he do next?” But with Cheney they actually have to waste valuable headline space to clarify that, in this particular instance, shooting a septuagenarian in the face was not part of his Master Plan.

Of course now that the media has used “accidentally” in this case, they’ll be forced to clarify yet again when the Vice President intentionally attacks someone. CHENEY GARROTES ZOOKEEPER TOTALLY ON PURPOSE

21 thoughts on ““Accidentally”

  1. What was Cheney doing in the zoo and what did the zookeeper do to prod on the attack?

    Also, this post has awesome SAT words up the wazoo.

  2. What they’re not reporting is that the ‘septuagenarian lawyer’ in question actually was a little tipsy, had dropped his shorts and said “Wiretap this, Cheney, you monarchist pi…OWWW.”

  3. As I watched the news stories scroll by, I kept hearing the phrase echo in my head, “Shoot first, aim later. Shoot first, aim later.” That seems to be the mantra of the current administration in so many different areas.

  4. Isn’t it nice that we can share our universally screwed up political figures and their their “stupliminous” misdeads with the rest of the world in real time! Too bad they don’t air SNL down here in New Zealand. I’d love to see the parody of this media disaster.
    Daily fan, finely de-lurking!
    Thanks for all the laughs.

  5. I personally don’t find it in any way amusing that people are making jokes about this. Gun safety is very important and shouldn’t be made light of.

    Oh, wait, the guy he shot was a lawyer? Ok, now that’s funny!

  6. Has anyone else noticed that the victim’s subsequent heart attack also has a peculiar qualifier attached? Nearly every outlet says it was a “mild” heart attack.

    Maybe it’s just me, but I’m wondering what kind of heart attack is “mild” when you are 78 years old and have just been shot in the face.

  7. I agree with Duh-mension (I too am handicapped in the listening-to-American-political-satire-dept by my residence in New Zealand). I only heard a snippet about this story on the radio at work, but as I did I swear I heard the sound of several thousand American political satirists collectively creaming their pants from all the way down here.

    – Also, just wondering, are anti-gun-nuts going, well, nuts over there? I have been wondering if they have been considering this new ammo for their cause.

  8. I thought that was a pretty funny distinction to have to make, too. I work at a newspaper, and I recommended we go with a headline saying simply “Cheney shoots lawyer.” For some reason, nobody else liked my idea.

  9. You aren’t missing anything, Duh-mension. SNL isn’t being aired during the Olympics.

    I think that “mild” qualifier came down from on high, it didn’t appear on the newswire headlines until about the third re-write. I hadn’t had a chance to click for details yet, then the “mild” squelched my excitement. I had visions of the manslaughter trial dancing in my head already.

    Nobody enjoyed the news more than me, but why is the media all in a bundle about them taking “an entire day” to alert the media?

  10. I don’t know that the gun control folks have really gotten involved here… there was a great quote from Bill Clinton, who said that it was an understandable accident if one were really hunting where the animals were wild, but that if it’s on a farm with tame animals like this (where he said it’s impossible not to bag the limit, and you need to pretty much stomp on the birds to get them to fly off…) that it’s kind of not excusable.

    I personally am pro gun-control, but I also do really love doing a bit of trap shooting. As much as I grew up in a very gun free home, I was exposed to them in the boy scouts and now on occasion with my girlfriend’s family… even I (who am not a pro-gun huntin’ fool) know that “you only aim the gun at something you are willing to see shot”.

    Anyone thought about how much of a favor this guy has coming to him from the white house??? You take money to do a favor, but jeez, you shoot a guy? you have to give away the store at that point.

  11. I work in newspapers and I want to answer the question about why the “media” is upset about the delay in reporting the incident.

    1. Just another in the countless attempts to keep information from the general public. This administration has been the most secretive since Castro’s.

    2. Just like a police investigation, the more time that passes, the least likely we will be able to find out the real truth, not just what they choose to tell the press corp.

    3. Now that he has admitted he had “one beer” (told on Fox News) at lunch, doesn’t it seem likely that he could have had more than that? What do you do to bring down someone’s blood alcohol level? You wait.

  12. The best use of inserting the word “accidentally” to cover up a nefarious plot I can think of comes from a Blackadder 3 episode in which, just prior to an election, “Mr. Blackadder generously agreed to take over from the previous returning [election] officer, after he accidentally brutally stabbed himself in the stomach while shaving”.
    I guess if I’m comparing him to Blackadder that’s a telling indicator of how I view the VP.

  13. Here’s a new headline version: While shooting his good friend, (VP)Chainy Accidentally Shot Quail (Former VP Dead?) — After all, the former veep couldn’t spell, and Chainy’s out to get anyone who competes for his or higher jobs!

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