Sark Defends Port Deal

Sark today sought to quell the growing controversy over his decision to grant the MCP control of several major ports throughout the region.

"I believe that this arrangement with the Master Control Program should go forward," Sark told reporters aboard Solar Sailer One. He emphasized that security would continued to be handled by Tank and Recognizer programs, with the MCP only be in charge of port operations.

But Dumont, guardian of the I/O towers, voiced skepticism. "I could understand ceding authority over ports 21 and 80," said Dumont. "But port 443? That's supposed to be secure!"

The public's reaction to the plan has also been overwhelmingly negative. "No no no," said a bit upon hearing the news. "No no no no." Others were more blunt. "Sark should be de-rezzed for even proposing this," said Ram, a financial program.

Sark, who has repeatedly denied having ties to the MCP, has insisted that the hand-over go through, and says that he will vigorously resist any effort to block it. But programs such as Yori are equally adamant that the deal be scuttled. "My User," she said, "have we already forgotten the lessons of 1000212400?"

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21 comments.

  1. End of line.

  2. The fact that I’m turning 30 next week aside, I feel very silly that upon first seeing the name “Sark” my mind did NOT go immediately to TRON, but to the lady who makes the multicolored-fonted inspirational posters, et al crap. If I was not already going to a ginormous comic convention tomorrow, I’d make myself to repent for my sin against popular culture.

    Good job, though your text adventure President is still your most inspired.

  3. Brilliant!

  4. Money talks, good sense walks… as I gaze out from my own imaginary bubble I continue to wonder – why is it that, on the sunniest days of the year, some people will lay in the sun for hours and hours while others seem to enjoy playing chess with blasting caps and magnifying glasses on a board made of dynamite…

  5. I must admit, I must be getting a little rusty, or I am not as big a geek as I had feared…

    It took me until I read MCP to make the TRON connection…

    But, make it I did…

    Now if I could only get one of those light cycles… Thse did look cool!

  6. This is brilliant. Thanks for sharing it.

  7. I initially thought you were referring to the diminutive Channel Island.

  8. I’m afraid I don’t get this at all.

    To whom should I turn in my geek badge?

  9. Greetings, programs! I read the headline and my mind jumped immediately to Tron. Then I thought: no, this must be some new figure in the news who I hadn’t heard about yet. Silly me.

    Given that in the film, Sark was the MCP’s lackey, the analogy makes quite a damning insinuation about our administration and where their real loyalties lie.

  10. You are now officially the biggest geek in the Intarweb.

    And hilarious, too!

  11. Too funny, and still a little creepy how well the comparison works.

  12. Tron??? This is a reference to TRON??? You guys even REMEMBER that movie? I never realized it was such a hallmark of Geekdom.

    Next time you want to tease Bush, try using a reference to The Apple Dumpling Gang. Then I’ll be impressed.

  13. Apple Dumpling Gang? Done.

    Sheriff Homer McCoy today sought to quell the growing controversy over his decision to hand over management of the local bank to reformed bank robbers Amos Tucker and Theodore Ogilve.

    “I believe that this arrangement with the Tucker and Ogilve should go forward,” McCoy told reporters aboard his horse in front of the bank. He emphasized that with Tucker and Ogilve in charge of the bank, they would be less likely to rob for it, since they would be stealing money from themselves.

    But Leonard Sharpe, the previous bank manager was skeptical. “They spend all this time trying to steal a gold nugget from this bank,” said Sharpe, “and now instead of punishing them for their criminal acts, the sheriff rewards them…and to top it off, they are completely incompetent!”

    The public’s reaction to the plan has also been overwhelmingly negative. “No no no,” said Russell Donovan upon hearing the news. “I like them personally, but I don’t think I would trust them with my gold nuggets.” Others were more blunt. “I have to go to the bathroom now more than ever,” said Celia Bradley.

    McCoy, who has repeatedly denied having ties to the Ogilve and Tucker, has insisted that the hand-over go through, and says that he will vigorously resist any effort to block it. But others such as Major Gaskill are equally adamant that the deal be scuttled. “If this plan goes through, no one will see me in the sequel.”

  14. Bring out the Logic Probe!

  15. I’ve really got to sit down with my 6-year-old and watch Tron with him.

  16. Did anyone else go right to “Alias” at first?

  17. Awesome!

    The time_t value is odd, though. That’s 11:40:46 am Eastern, 5 minutes short of 3 hours after the first plane hit. 1000212360 would be the time of impact of the first plane.

    What, me geeky? Never!

  18. Wow, I can’t remember Tron that well so this did nothing for me but this post was picked up by Bruce Schneier on his excellent Schneier on Security blog (I highly recommend his book Beyond Fear) and from there on Wil Wheaton’s blog.

  19. You are a funny, funny, funny man. Tron references, live on!

  20. Bwahahahahaaaa….

  21. nice! hehe