Fifteen Of My MetaFilter Comments, Taken Out Of Context

  • Once again Jesse Jackson heroically hurls himself between the givers and the receiver of publicity.
  • The website doesn’t specify the source of the findings, but I strongly suspect they have been drawn from the scientific discipline commonly known as “making shit up.”
  • Dear sir, I don’t wish to brag
    Of my wealth but I’ve hit a small snag.
    These fund I must move
    So would you approve
    Of a cut of Nigerian swag?
  • Check out, the comma usage, in the linked, page. It’s like listening, to someone who, just climbed some stairs, and is out, of breath.
  • The porn industry was one of the driving forces behind the invention of photography, as they were tired of having to describe blowjobs to patrons. True fact, look it up.
  • Some of you younger kids might not remember this, but there was a time in America when people acted stupid for free! It’s true, they just gave it away! People acted like utter dopeity dopes and never received a penny in compensation. But then someone figured out that acting stupid could net you a fortune, by, say, pretending like you were honestly and completely unaware that eating fattening foods would cause you to become fat, or claiming that you thought cigarette warnings only applied to other people. Now stupidism accounts for over 13% of America’s economy, and this clever exploitation of a previously free resource is exactly the kind of Horatio Alger-esque ingenuity that makes America great.
  • You may think that life without men would just be one giant party. But the first time all the women in the world went out to do karaoke and realized that “Islands in the Streams” was no longer an option, they would be very, very sad.
  • If this backfires, the scandal will be called “Conju-gate”.
  • I discovered the identity of my girlfriend’s next-to-last lover with AntePenUltiMate™!
  • The next time I get coffee in my office’s Break Room, I’m going to take one sip of it, spit it out, and loudly exclaim “Jesus Christ! This tastes like a tree-dwelling marsupial ate the ripest and reddest coffee cherries, and then somebody made coffee out of the beans, which were excreted fairly intact and still wrapped in layers of the cherries’ mucilage!”
  • If you believe in evolution you can justifiably call any US citizen an “African-American”
  • Of course Courtney Love is in favor of file sharing. The whole concept of taking someone else’s good songs for personal use was the essence of Hole.
  • I just like that the word “Extreme” is now associated with two things: (1) People engaging in athletic events which require a staggering amount of physical prowess; and (2) People sitting on their fat asses and imbibing a staggering amount of cola.
  • Moral of the story: DON’T FUCK WITH THE EBERT!
  • I am sickened by the sheer ignorance of the people on Mefi in general and in this thread in particular, and that is why I’m leaving for good. No, I’m totally serious this time. I just removed my bookmark. And when everyone belatedly realizes what an important member I was to this community and rallies to my defense and publicly chastises those (and you know who you are) who brought me to this point, I will unfortunately never ever know about it because, as I mentioned before, I am not coming back. Even if someone emails me privately (jqm1213@hotmail.com) to let me know that everyone wants me to return and that the site has basically gone to shit since my departure, it won’t matter because I’m done with you all. I mean it. I’m using UnInstall Wizard right now to remove my browser. Goodbye.
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16 comments.

  1. I can’t believe all this brilliance just went into the ether. When do we get to hear about AntePenUltiMate

  2. I would assume that some of these come from TMN as well.

  3. I alredy knew not to fuck with the Ebert.

    In fact….I learned that the hard way….

  4. I am amused! And I swear it’s not the martini giggling.

  5. I am so stealing that Nigerian poem…….. coffee-spewingly glorious.

  6. I was going to say something funny but then I got caught up with deciding whether to put a porn link as my URL that I forgot what I was going to say… I’m named after one of my Mom’s ex-boyfriends. My Dad isn’t happy about that.

  7. You are very funny. That is all.

  8. “I’m using UnInstall Wizard right now to remove my browser. Goodbye.”
    OhDearGod, being a forum reader from time to time, this brought on flashbacks of mutant doesn’t-play-well-with-others posts made there, and about made me wet myself with pure joyous laughter. Thank you. Thank you.

  9. he porn industry was one of the driving forces behind the invention of photography, as they were tired of having to describe blowjobs to patrons. True fact, look it up.

    I still say this was inappropriate for the Don Knotts memorial thread.

  10. Pleaseplease, link them back to the actual threads.

  11. The porn industry was one of the driving forces behind the invention of photography, as they were tired of having to describe blowjobs to patrons. True fact, look it up.

    While I can’t make any comment on photographs of blowjobs, it is true that the porn industry is the driving force behind video technology. Few manufacturers will commit to a new video technology (say, DVD vs VHS) until they see what the porn industry picks. The reason? The porn industry releases thousands more movie titles a year than the mainstream movie industry. People won’t buy a system that they can’t run their porn on. Especially those people who DO NOT watch porn. EVER.

    # The next time I get coffee in my office’s Break Room, I’m going to take one sip of it, spit it out, and loudly exclaim “Jesus Christ! This tastes like a tree-dwelling marsupial ate the ripest and reddest coffee cherries, and then somebody made coffee out of the beans, which were excreted fairly intact and still wrapped in layers of the cherries’ mucilage!”

    Dude! You just spit out coffee that costs $150 a pound! But that’s ok, you migh have gotten SARS from it anyway. (Click the “home page” link for the story–I don’t know how to post it.

  12. Dorothy: Really??? That’s what killed Beta?

  13. Re the coffee.

    Dave Barry made a similar funny once, about trying some exotic SE Asian joe in which the beans had passed through the digestive tract of some native animal. He said that it tasted like someone had washed a dead cat in it.

  14. Dude, there are like 130 Metafilter users living within zero miles of you!!! What the hay!?! Do live in some kind of gated Meta-community?

  15. I am so ignorant of all this internet community stuff… but I laugh anyway, cuz I don’t have to know what I am laughing at to find something amusing (and I figure if I am laughing at something that isn’t supposed to be amusing, which I tend to do a lot, somebody will tell me and I’ll laugh at myself for misunderstanding and for finding amusement where there is not supposed to be any)…

  16. ‘You may think that life without men would just be one giant party. But the first time all the women in the world went out to do karaoke and realized that “Islands in the Streams” was no longer an option, they would be very, very sad.’

    C’mon, there are female tenors and baritones. They’re hard to come by but they’ll be easy to pick out of the crowd once the men have been exterminated according to our master plan, I mean are wiped out in some unforseeable and tragic event.

    Whew, that and the comma usage comment nearly did me in. Thatsa funny stuff.