Games: No Thanks!

I used to have a website devoted to boardgames, where I often reviewed games of such length and complexity that they would likely only be of interested to fellow gamers. Now I write this blog, which is read by a lot of people who don’t have the slightest interest in boardgames. I still like to write about games from time to time, but now I tend to showcase titles that I think will appeal to even the non-games in the crowd. That means games that are fun, short, and easy to play and learn.

Perhaps no game has ever fit that description better than No Thanks!. It’s tense and exciting, an entire game only takes 10 minutes, and it’s so simple that I often introduce it to people as “The One Rule Game.”

The game is played with a deck of 33 cards (ranked 3 through 35) and each player is given 11 poker chips. Before play the cards are shuffled, nine are removed and set aside unseen, and the deck is placed facedown in the center of the table. A start player is named, and the fun begins.

A round begins with a player flipping over the top card from the draw deck. Then (here’s the One Rule, pay attention) each player in turn has the option to do one of two things: pass (by placing one of their chips onto the card) or take the card (and all the chips on it). Play may go around the table several times (the pile of chips on the card accumulating all the while) before someone finally bites the bullet, takes the card, and starts the next round by flipping over the next card from the deck. The game ends after the last card has been claimed.

Why the reluctance to take cards? Because at the end of a round you receive points equal to the value of all the cards you took — and points are bad. Chips, meanwhile, are worth negative points. So Joe ends the game with the 5 card, the 25 card, the 27 card, and seven chips, his final score would be (5 + 25 + 27) – 7 = 50 points. The player with the fewest points wins.

Games this simple usually need a twist to make them interesting; No Thanks! has one and, man, it’s a doozy. If you have two or more cards with consecutive values, you only score for the lowest valued card in the run. If Joe had also managed to acquire the 26 card, his final score would be (5 + 25) – 7 = 37 — the 25-26-27 run would score 25 points total. So while you are generally trying to avoid taking cards in No Thanks! (hence the name), taking a specific card can occasionally save your hide. Of course, there’s no guarantee the card you need is even in the deck, or that the player before you won’t snap it up just to spite you. If you take the 31 card and the 33 card early in the game, you’ll be a nervous wreck until the 32 makes its appearance (and dead in the water if it never does).

No Thanks! is such a great game for non-gamers (and gamers alike) that I usually pick up a few decks every time I place a game order and give them out as gifts. You could argue that $8 is a bit much to pay for 33 cards and a handful of chips, but I have plenty of games on my shelf that cost three times that and aren’t half as fun. If you consider yourself the sort of person who “doesn’t really like games,” pick up a copy of No Thanks! — after a few rounds you are likely to reconsider.

Time In A Bottle

Parents! Is your son or daughter between 12 and 17 years of age and exhibiting one or more of the following symptoms?

  • Listlessness
  • Apathy
  • Mood Swings
  • Idealism
  • Hyperactivity
  • Malaise
  • Irritability
  • Egomania

If so, your child may be suffering from the debilitating effects of Youth.

More than 1 billion people worldwide are burdened with the ravages of Youth, and approximately one out of every one person will suffer the symptoms of Youth at some point in their life. But the crushing effects of Youth extend well beyond just the afflicted: teachers are driven to the brink of insanity, old people endure the indignity of having their lawn used as a short cut, and bands such as System of a Down continue to thrive.

But now there’s hope.

If you suspect your child might be stricken with Youth, talk to your physician about Time. Time is the all-natural remedy for Youth, guaranteed to lessen your child’s exuberance, curiosity, and spontaneity in as little as 10-40 years.

Ask your doctor about Time. Time: It Heals All Wounds*

* This statement has not be evaluated by the FDA. Side effects of Time include: aches, pains, balding, hearing loss, sight loss, memory loss, impotents, bitterness, disillusionment, the nagging feeling that every new person you meet looks like someone from your past, inability to sleep past 5:00 am, inability to stay awake beyond 8:00 PM, inability to drive faster than 35 miles per hour, technological incompetence, fondness for game shows, Republicanism, and death.


BEACONSFIELD, Australia (CNN) -- Rescuers have freed two Australian gold miners who had been trapped underground in a steel cage since April 25, when a small earthquake triggered a rock fall in the Tasmanian gold mine where they worked. They have been getting oxygen, food, water and items such as magazines and iPods through a plastic pipe since they were found April 30 ...

Oh, man. You know whichever brainiac in Apple’s marketing department engineered that product placement was rewarded with pay raises and blowjobs today. I think every report on the story for the last two weeks has mentioned the thing at least twice. They’re all, like:


"We're Running Out Of Time!"
Says Rescue Foreman Jon Sarno.
"Those iPod Batteries Only Last
Three Or Four Days, Total!"

Of course now that Apple has pioneered the disaster-related product placement (or “iProd,” I as I like to call it), I’m sure all the other major companies will follow suit. Lucky for them there’s a mine-related catastrophy every fortnight or so.


"We Serve To Miners,"
Jokes PepsiCo President Indra Nooyi,
Giving The Thumbs Up.

17 trapped workers presumed drowned.

In other news, Bush nominated Mike Hayden as the new CIA chief, describing him as “supremely qualified” and “a consumer of intelligence.” Huh. Maybe that’s what happened to Bush’s intelligence.

Update: Piers Morgan spectulates as to the iPod playlist in the comments:

  • Deeper Underground – Jamiroquai
  • Final Shakedown – Groove Armada
  • Bring The Boys Back Home – Pink Floyd
  • Avalanche Rock – The Avalanches
  • Lucky – Radiohead
  • Cause A Rockslide – Badly Drawn Boy
  • Waiting For The Worms – Pink Floyd
  • Survival – Nightmares On Wax
  • Alive And Kicking – Simple Minds
  • From The Ritz To The Rubble – Arctic Monkeys
  • Down In It – Tiga
  • Rock Box – Run DMC
  • Very, Very Hungry – Brian Eno & David Byrne
  • Trapped – Colonel Abrams
  • Disasters Are OK – Letting Up Despite Great Faults