Soccer Is Hell

I ask my friend A. why he is so tired.

A: I’ve been getting up every morning at five to watch World Cup games.

Me: Still? The US is out, man.

A: I’m not rooting for a team, I’m rooting for the entire thing. Go soccer! Besides, I’m kind of glad we got eliminated. They say that playing soccer is a metaphor for waging war, and I don’t feel like we have anything more to prove in that area.

Me: Yes, the United States is something of a literalist when it comes to the whole “waging war” motif.