W: what’s up?
Me: Nothing. What’s up with you?
W: oh i thought you were IMing me. I don’t IM.
Me: Well, aren’t you Mr. 19th Century?
Me: I shall contact you via telegram forthwith!
W: but as long as we’re chatting
W: do you wanna cheap tv stand?
Me: No.
W: the tv stand is free! I put it on craigslist. no takers.
Me: Try offering some free oral sex on craiglist. I bet that will get a response.
Me: Stipulate that they have to take the tv stand too, though
W: post: insatiable cocksucker offers multimedia furniture.
W: you know i have thought about becoming a gigolo. but I’m concerned about the health risks
Me: You mean the mental health risks of having people sing that David Lee Roth song EVERY FUCKING TIME you mention your profession?
W: tell me about it. that’s why i had to quit my job as a tambourine man