What’s In A Name?

An aquaintance of mine recently sired a child. "What did you name it?" I inquired when he told me the news. "August," said he. "Is it a boy or a girl?" I asked. There was a pause. "A boy," he said. "August is a boy's name." I shrugged. "I've never heard of anyone being named August, so how would I

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Captain Retcon

I've finally discovered my superpower. It wasn't readily apparent, since it alters the entire space/time continuum every time it is activated and essentially erases all traces of its own existence. But I think I have its number. Here's how it works:I come up with a great idea;My power makes that thing a reality.This would pretty much make me the most

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Irrational Exuberance

Things about which I have become unexpectedly enthusiastic: Typing of the Dead: Though a lifelong and perhaps intractable hunt-and-peck typist, I occasionally resolve to teach myself touch-typing once and for all; it was during one of these misguided bouts of self-improvement that I picked up The Typing of the Dead. I don't know what idiot at Take2 Interactive thought that

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Brash Machine

My local ATM has become aggressively informal. At first it was just small things, like saying "Sure" and "No, thanks" instead of "yes" and "no" when asking if I want a receipt. But now it's completely out of control. Now it's all, "Howdie-ho, neighbor! Hot enough for ya? Well golly gee willikers, what can I do you for?" Obviously some

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Mold In The White House

Speaking of Phillip K. Dick ... When it was released in 2002, Minority Report was interpreted by some as an indictment of George Bush's doctrine of preemption, which allowed the US to detain persons and attack nations on mere suspicions. In anticipation of the film, I bought The Minority Report and Other Classic Stories, and was surprised to find that

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Ice Queen

The Queen rubs the top of her head and makes the ow-that-hurts air-through-the-teeth noise.Me: What's wrong? Q: I have a bump on my head and it's getting bigger. Feel it. {I engage in some impromptu phrenology} M: Wow, that's a good 'un. How did you get it? Q: I got hit by a block of ice. M: Did it knock

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Threat Level Bershon

According to an article in today's New York Times "behavior detection officers" at airports are now keeping an eye out for persons wearing the following expressions: In other words, in addition to having to forgo your iPod and hair gel you will now be required to check in your teen prior to boarding. I understand they've carved out a little

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