Halloween Odds & Ends

The Vanishing Date I wrote one of the many ghost story endings appearing in The Morning News today. Encyclopedia Brown For District Attorney Speaking of The Morning News .. TMN and I are holding a contest, in which we're asking participants to make a display campaign paraphernalia for fictitious candidates. And while the event has attracted considerable notice on Teh

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Silver Linings

I'm the eternal optimist -- even in the realm of contemporary politics, where optimism is as out of place as an oyster on an ice cream sundae. So while my friends agonize over which political party will have control of Congress come January, I like to point out that, regardless of which way things turn out, this election will almost

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The Bad Review Revue

School for Scoundrels : "To call it slight is to slight the word 'slight.'" -- David Elliott, SAN DIEGO UNION-TRIBUNE Man of the Year: "Many actors were paid to pretend Williams is still funny." -- Chris Hewitt, ST. PAUL PIONEER PRESS Employee of the Month: "It's simply too depressing that people sat in a boardroom, read this script and said,

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Memed

Apparently I have been "tagged" with an "Internet" "meme." I don't generally do these, but the tagger, Mother Reader, was kind enough to play along with my silly little game, so I feel obliged to reciprocate. Five Little Known Things About Me Upon taking the first sip of carbonated beverages, my body responds with a little hiccupy-spasm. When I was

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Senior Song

Do all graduating high schools classes have a "senior song?" Or is this just something we did out in the suburbs to compensate for the lamentable fact that were we raised in the suburbs? My buddy Matt and I lobbied hard for "Road To Nowhere" by the Talking Heads. But, in the end, the popular kids convened a secret meeting

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Ice, Ice baby

When a friend of mine saw that they were selling tiny yetis at Burger King, she thoughtfully picked one up for me. (Let me take a moment, here, to interject a rather shocking announcement: I don't give a rat's ass about yetis. Or abominable snowmen. Or bigfoot. Or even Sasquatch, native to our region though they may be. Honestly, I

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Didn’t See That Coming

I'm going to write a psychological thriller for the blind. It's not all plotted out yet, but I have a great, surprise ending: the last Braille letter will be replaced with a thumbtack.

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Look Away

I was walking down a long hall at the gym today, and a flusteringly attractive woman was walking toward me. I never know what to do in these situations. Obviously, given my druthers, I would just stand there in slackjawed amazement and openly gawp, but apparently this is considered "uncouth" in some quarters. An alternative is to resolutely stare to

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