Richochet

I was listening to the Adam Corolla show on my way to the gym this morning, and they were listing off the “Top Fantasies of Men” according to some meticulously unscientific poll or another. Number four, it turns out, is “to be totally dominated by a woman.”

And, half an hour later, some 87 pound young lady handed me my ass in racquetball, 15-1. It’s rare that the elapsed time between learning that I have a particular fantasy, and the fulfillment of said fantasy, is so brief.

I recently joined the racquetball ladder, and am currently dwelling on a rung about a third of the way up. Down here, you encounter three types of players: (a) people who have never played racquetball before and joined the ladder on a lark, (b) people who have been on the ladder for a while but aren’t good enough to progress, and (c) people who are accomplished players but, like everyone else, had to start at the bottom and work their way to the top. On my initial serve this morning my opponent bungled her return, leaving me to instantly classify her as either (a) or (b). Swaggering with my near insurmountable 1-0 lead, I followed-up with a easy serve — you know, the kind that even a girl could hit. And that was pretty much the end of that.

Here’s how she scored one of her many points. She positioned herself in the center of the court and prepared to return the ball I had just hit off the front wall; I, meanwhile, stood about five feet directly behind her. She drew back her racquet to strike the approaching ball. Then, at the last moment, she apparently decided that she would rather field the ball off the back wall instead, and abruptly withdrew her racquet.

Fun fact: #9 on the list of Top Male fantasies was “To be hit in the groin by a high-velocity projectile in the presence of an attractive woman.” YES! TODAY WAS A TWO-FER!!

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17 comments.

  1. I feel your pain. Well, not literally of course…

  2. That seals it. No siblings for the Squirrelly.

  3. ice it, then get back up on that horse, boy! i’m sure, if you listen next week, your radio people will tell you that, among the top fantasies of women, is the fantasy to be totally dominated by a man. maybe you are meant to return the favor.

  4. Yikes! I recommend you wear a cod piece for all your future racquetball endeavors.

    Actually, I just like to say “cod piece.”

  5. Congratulations of fulfilling not one, but two fantasies in one day!

    Ouch @ the high-velocity object though!

  6. I’m burning to know whether you yourself are (a), (b), or (c).

  7. Classic raquetball move and you fell for it like a rookie. *tsk tsk!*

  8. I was schooled during a pickup basketball game by some members of my University’s womens’ team.

    Like, “pick up your jock”-style schooled.

    I feel your pain.

  9. Wait, 87 pounds? You got beat at racquetball by Nicole Richie? I thought she was in jail!

  10. I’m jealous you get Adam Corolla on the radio. Since he left loveline he’s been off the air in chicago. funniest man in media.

  11. Top Ten for Men doesn’t mean it is YOUR fantasy, does it?

    Ouch on the high velocity. Sounds like she might indeed have set you up for that.

  12. Even better than your standard cup: http://www.thenuttybuddy.com/

    The demo video ‘splains all. If the maker subjects himself to that abuse, it must be good.

  13. Say, time’s running out. When are we getting your Xmas shopping suggestions?

  14. My kickboxing instructor is a totally cute, petite woman. She is more than capable of taking down every single men in the room. And I’ve seen her beat men twice her size. That’s hot.

  15. ouchie!

  16. An ex-boyfriend of mine appeared one day with a large bruise on his groin. He told me it was a racquetball accident. I found out later that the woman he was screwing on the side kicked him in the balls. For some reason. Is this post the set-up for some cockamamie story you’re going to tell the Queen?

    Other than that, I say leg-wrestling is the only way to show a man who wears the pants.

  17. That last comment reminds me of the Bonzo Dog Doo-Dah Band’s “Big Shot”:

    I got home late…very late. What could I say to my wife? “Darling, I’ve been beaten up again?” Let’s face it, she’s credulous as hell.