Red Suspenders

The following post was inspired by the thirty-sixth suggestion in No One Cares What You Had for Lunch: 100 Ideas for Your Blog, which was randomly selected by Jan Ives of Dr Jan’s Tips From The Top.

To: Ma Baldwin
From: Matthew Baldwin
Date: Jan 26, 2007 11:58 AM
Subject: Embarrassing photo

Hi, mom. This week my defective yeti posts are based on a book of blog suggestion. I had my readers randomly select the topics, and today I'm supposed to post an embarrassing photo from when I was younger. I sure you have a few laying around the house. Can you pick one, scan it, and send it my way?


* * *

To: Matthew Baldwin
From: Ma Baldwin
Date: Jan 26, 2007 1:57 PM
Subject: Re: Embarrassing photo

Here you go. I love this photo, but I bet you are probably embarrassed by it.

Red suspenders


* * *

To: Ma Baldwin
From: Matthew Baldwin
Date: Jan 26, 2007 3:10 PM
Subject: Re: Embarrassing photo

Oh, god. You win that bet.

Sort of,


  1. That tie is flirting with me. I wish it would stop.

  2. If a picture is worth 1000 words then 859 of those words would be ha! The other 141 would be 0h, My, and GOD, in that order.

  3. I much prefer the one with the smoldering, hormone enraged stare. But this one? What duane said. The acid washed jeans and the coordinated skinny tie and suspenders. Oh you were so hip.

  4. A little known member of Duran Duran, circa 1983 or 1984?

  5. Someday Squirrely is going to look at that picture and think ‘people used to dress so cool back then!’ This is what I think when I see pictures of my mom from the sixties.

    Or maybe not. But nostalgia is so weird– wouldn’t that be AMAZING?

  6. Not Duran Duran. Maybe the lost member of Flock of Hairdos, er, Seagulls.

  7. It makes me think of Zack from Saved by the Bell!

  8. You had the awesomest hair. Bees could live in that hair.

  9. wow, that is why i made sure i missed my senior photo appointment and reschuedualed.

  10. You just moved up my list of top ten Internet Crushes. Big time.

  11. Good thing that tie is obscuring your manhood, otherwise I don’t know if the ladies would be able to control themselves.

  12. Look at that leg! You must weigh at least 75 pounds here.

  13. That is an amazing photo. Sweet Jesus. I can’t turn my eyes away.

  14. Obstructing tie or no, I think it’s clear that Mr. Baldwin has cajones.

  15. Jean size: 10 slim

  16. Did I go to the big homecoming dance with you in 1986?


    Oh man.

    But then, I had a curly mullet that year.

  18. Tell the truth: you were ready to wang chung that night, weren’t you.

  19. That shirt is in our closet!

  20. You’re a very brave man, Matthew.

  21. Wow.

  22. That photo could not be any more 80s.

    OK, I take that back — you could have prep rolled your jeans.

  23. Oh my god we must totally be the same age because I swear you look like someone I had a mad crush on in high school.

  24. I’d hit it.

  25. That tie appears to be giving you a reacharound.

  26. Your mom knows how to use a scanner? She RULES dude!

  27. Goddamnit, Baldwin! I wore a similar outfit (yeah, outfit is indeed the correct word) in high school swing choir. I’ve spent the past 20 years trying to forget these two humiliating facts, but there it is to remind me. Just friggin’ great.

  28. That picture is… astounding. Truly impressive. All you need is the big brick cell phone to complete the Zack Morris ensemble.

  29. Squirelly: Geee Pa, what was it like in the 80s?

    Matthew: Well son, have a look at this…

    Squirelly: No, seriously. What was it like?

  30. That’s a great idea for a blog and I’m so getting in on this action…

  31. thank you for making my week.

  32. Hey Matt,

    Do you think you could set me up on a date with Blair Warner?

  33. Your mother rocks.

  34. The poster for a John Hughes movie that was never made.

  35. On behalf of MOMS everywhere…let me say that all of you are in danger from the collections of photographs that we are just waiting to unleash upon the internet. Be kind to us — all of us.

  36. Wow. The. Jeans. Oh. My. God.

    Your mom rocks. hahaha

  37. You look really keen and all, except those tenny runner look like they’ve seen better days.

    I’m just glad I went to high school in the ’70s, thus ensuring that there are no fashion-disaster pictures of *me* waiting to leap out and embarrass me.

  38. You actually blend into the background. With the exception of the suspenders and tie, of course.

    I bet all the girls thought you were a sexy thing :)

  39. Ooh, you would’ve been the coolest guy at the dance at my junior high! Love the skinny tie.

  40. That is one stylish 80’s teen – down to the matching bars and tie. Ooooh! and look at those acid-washed jeans.
    I wish I’d seen this photo before my friends had an 80’s retro-dress party last year.

  41. I love the comment by “The Queen” that this shirt is actually in your closet!! Suspenders and tie too???

    BTW – Mom’s always LOVE the most embarassing photos of their children – it’s called blackmail for all that the child put us through!!!


  43. This is the greatest string of comments ever!

    Matt, you’ve doomed yourself to phony posts by “The Queen” from now on.

  44. Are you related to Howard Jones, or just the president of his fan club?

  45. I think I had a picture of you in my locker in ninth grade?

  46. Are you sure you aren’t one of the “Corey”s ?

  47. For some reason this makes me think of those American Apparel ads. Could be the tie.

  48. Oh my god. We should have totally dated. Or gone on mtv or been in a John Hughes film. If only there had been an eighties myspace.

    Here is my eighties myspace pic, so you can see for yourself.

  49. Wow. You must have graduated the same year I did!

  50. OMG! Is that tie knit? Because if it is I had a very similar outfit… except the accent color for me was practically pink.

  51. That is the most fantastically embarrassing photo I’ve ever seen. Thank you for making my day.

  52. i laughed and cried.

  53. Dear. Lord. Al. Might. Y. This is the best wayback machine picture I have ever, ever seen. Thanks for a much-needed laugh.

  54. Did I date you in middle school? I think we danced to “Crazy for You” by Madonna.

  55. This picture completes me.