Transcript: CNN / Youtube Democratic Debate

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN host: Good evening, and welcome to the first CNN / Youtube democratic presidential debate. We asked people from all over the Internet to submit questions via youtube.com, and the response was overwhelming. So, without further ado, let’s jump right in.

Our first question tonight is Zach Kempf in Provo, Utah.

QUESTION: My question is: We have a bunch of leaders who can’t seem to do their job. And we pick people based on the issues they that they represent, but then they get in power and they don’t do anything about it anyway.

You’re going to spend this whole night talking about your views on issues, but the issues don’t matter if when you get in power nothing’s going to get done.

We have a Congress and a president with, like, a 30 percent approval rating, so clearly we don’t think they’re doing a good job. What’s going to make you any more effectual, beyond all the platitudes and the stuff we’re used to hearing? I mean, be honest with us. How are you going to be any different?

SEN. CHRISTOPHER DODD: omg that video was totaly gay

SEN. BARACK OBAMA: Shut up Dodd thats offensive when u say gay like that.

FORMER SEN. MIKE GRAVEL: Check out my vids at youtube.com/user/gravel2008.

REP. DENNIS KUCINICH: to answre your question bush is a facist who only wants more power. hes not even the president you knopw, cheny is. i would b different because i would have a vice presidant that doesnt just try and control everything from behind the seens/

SEN. HILLARY CLINTON: CHENEY CANT BE PRESIDENT BECUZ THE CONSTITUTION SAYS THE VICE PRESIDENT IS NOT THE PRESIDENT WHY DON’T U TRY READING THE CONSTITUTION SOMETIME??????!!!!

KUCINICH: i have read thwe consititution which is probably more than youve ever read except maybe the back of a ceral box.

CLINTON: AT LEAST I EAT CEREAL AND NOT GRANOLA HIPPY!!!!!!!

SEN. JOE BIDEN: Ron Paul is the ONLY candidate with any integrity in this race. He’s a TRUE PATRIOT, not a republicrat sellout like the rest of us.

COOPER: Let’s move on to the next question.

QUESTION: Hey, I’m Mike Green from Lexington, South Carolina. And I was wanting to ask all the nominees whether they would send their kids to public school or private school.

GRAVEL: Check out my vids at youtube.com/user/gravel2008.

FORMER SEN. JOHN EDWARDS: When I’m president I will abolish school hehehe.

GOV. BILL RICHARDSON: Private school, because if you have ever heard the Pink Floyd song “Another Brick In The Wall” you know that public schools are not very good.

CLINTON: THAT SONG IS ABOUT ENGLAND SCOOLS U MORON NOT US SCHOOLS AND PINK FLOYD SUCKS!!!!!!

RICHARDSON: Oh, I’m sure YOU like really good music. Like Pussycat Dolls or some other mass-marketed corporate crap you buy at Wal*Mart.

CLINTON: U ARE JUST SAYING PUSSYCAT DOLS BECAUSE I AM GIRL AND THATS MISSOGENISTIC!!!!!

COOPER: May I interject something here? That hour-long interview I had with Paris Hilton last month? The guys at CNN made me do that. Just so you know. I would have preferred to do a story on AIDS or drought or something, because I’m a respected journalist.

{Pause}

DODD: omg u r totaly gay

OBAMA: rotfl its so true

* * *

23 comments.

  1. This is hilarious – the best thing I’ve seen on the web in days. Thanks!

  2. Simply hilarious. Thanks for the pick-me-up!

  3. Excellent!

  4. OMG brilliant. But you forgot “Put this into 5 videos comments in 20 mins and you’re crush’s name will show up in the comment box, if you don’t you’ll never find true love” I hate those dang things, I liked chain letters better when they were actually letters.

  5. BUSH: copy this war and paste into 5 more wars or YOUR MOM WILL DIE!!!!!11

  6. I LIKE TURTLES

  7. Hawesome!

  8. OMG tha twas tottaly hilarios!!! ur grate!

  9. omfg lol! UR 2 cool.

  10. totally fake
    u just used photoship

  11. “AT LEAST I EAT CEREAL AND NOT GRANOLA HIPPY!!!!!!!”

  12. Oh, sweet Joseph Smith… this was the funniest thing I have read in months…

  13. the oh-so-rare LOL for reals. Well done Matt.

  14. ditto on the LOLFR…
    BUSH’s comment- also hilarious.

  15. Deeply funny. Thank you!

  16. Ah, that made my heart smile and my day brighter.

  17. Bush: Wie due yu hatt Amerka? Yu must like Ossammma bin Ladin r somethin. Yr totaly gay. Im tellin Chainey. Hilary is a robot. Yrs in Christ, Bush 2.0 2theXtreme!

  18. you, sir, are amusing to me.

  19. I wholey concur with the above statement. Very happy to stumble by this blog parusing the Blogger’s Choice Awards. Thanks for the laugh… Any reasone you don’t have a brag badge like the other nominees? If you keep making people like me laugh you may get some more vodes. THe codes on the same page as the one where people can vote for you. Good luck! http://www.bloggerschoiceawards.com/blogs/show/1059

  20. I wholey concur with the above statement. Very happy to stumble by this blog parusing the Blogger’s Choice Awards. Thanks for the laugh… Any reasone you don’t have a brag badge like the other nominees? If you keep making people like me laugh you may get some more vodes. THe codes on the same page as the one where people can vote for you. Good luck! http://www.bloggerschoiceawards.com/blogs/show/1059

  21. Are you saying Wal-Mart doesn’t carry Pink Floyd CDs? That would surprise me.

    Also, Ur faverite band sux.

  22. That was pretty great. And I agree that Ron Paul is the best!

  23. Ron Paul should have RuPaul as his running mate. That would make complete sense.

    I’m for any candidate that tells the Christian Right to kindly fuck off, perhaps use their time more wisely by issuing a fatwa against JK Rowling or skullfucking Jerry Falwell’s corpse. (Well, they probably save the last part for Easter Sunday.)