The second round of the Cliche Rotation Project is complete. (For details on the CRP, see http://www.defectiveyeti.com/crp.)
A big thanks to everyone who contributed. Here are some of the best I received.
| Old Cliche | Replacement | Contributor | Note |
|---|---|---|---|
| Seeing the world through rose colored glasses | Reporting from the Green Zone | Brett | |
| Sweep it under the rug | Clear the cache | Ryan Murphy | |
| Timing is everything | Timing is the difference between salad and garbage | Anonymous | |
| Not the sharpest crayon in the box | Not the brightest LED in the house | mantaworks | Fully y3k-compliant. |
| Sometimes, you just have to roll with the punches. | Sometimes you just have to park your car beneath a bird | Dave | |
| Rain on your parade. | Stick a boot on your wheel. | JMT | |
| The grass is always greener on the other side of the street | The line is always shorter at the Starbucks up the street | Penni Prominski | |
| It’s not rocket science | It’s not Advanced Squad Leader | zosa | This is in reference to the infamously complex wargame ASL. Typical rule:
2.2401 GUN DUELS: Vs a non-concealed, non-Aerial DEFENDER's declared Defensive First Fire attack on it, a vehicle may attempt to Bounding First Fire (D3.3) its MA (/other-FP, including Passenger FP/SW) at that DEFENDER first, provided the vehicle need not change CA, is not conducting OVR (D7.1), its total Gun Duel DRM (i.e., its total Firer-Based [5.] and Acquisition [6.5] TH DRM for its potential shot) is < that of the DEFENDER, and the DEFENDER's attack is not Reaction Fire (D7.2). Neither the +1 DRM for a Gyrostabilizer nor the doubling of the lower dr for other ordnance in TH Case C4 (5.35) is included in the Gun Duel DRM calculation. The order of fire for non-ordnance/SW is determined as if it were ordnance [EXC: TH Case A can apply only if this unit/weapon is mounted-on/aboard a vehicle that is changing CA; all such non-turret-mounted fire is considered NT for purposes of TH Case C, and; A.5 applies to any type of FG]. If the ATTACKER's and DEFENDER's total Gun Duel DRM are equal, the lower Final TH (or non-ordnance IFT) DR fires first - and voids the opponent's return shot by eliminating, breaking, stunning, or shocking it. If those two Final DR are equal, both shots are resolved simultaneously. Any CA change the DEFENDER requires in order to shoot (5.11) is made before the ATTACKER's shot if the DEFENDER's total Gun Duel DRM <= the ATTACKER's; otherwise its CA changes (if still able to) after the ATTACKER's shot. After the initial Gun Duel had been fully resolved, and if otherwise able and allowed to, that DEFENDER may announce another attack vs that ATTACKER who in turn may declare another Gun Duel; this time the printed ROF of one firing weapon on each side may be included as a -DRM in that side's Gun Duel DRM calculation. Only the ATTACKER may declare a Gun Duel [EXC: not if the DEFENDER has done so per 5.33]. |
| Hit me with your best shot | Shock & awe me | aaron c | |
| Dumb as a post | Dumber than shoes | Megan Coughlin | |
| A watched pot never boils | A watched microwave never pings | Suezboo | |
| All the tea in China | All the porn on the internet | Danny D and the Defects | |
| Busier than a one-armed paperhanger | Busier than a sailor on shore leave | RustyBadger | self-explanatory, I think! |
| A stitch in time saves nine. | Enable Autosave! | Carmen | |
| No shit, sherlock. | Does a one-legged duck swim in a circle? | Anonymous | |
| Kill two birds with one stone | Steal two elections with one candidate | Pete Stine | oh, you KNOW who I mean. |
| Gone without a trace | Gone 404. | Ryan | |
| Stuck out like a sore thumb | Stood out like a miniskirt in a monastery | Lung the Younger | |
| Like a knife through butter | Like a chainsaw through cheesecake | Lung the Younger | |
| keep your eye on the ball | Track it like NORAD | Michael | |
| Nice guys finish last | James Dean died young | Ben Ide | |
| Always the bridesmaid, never the bride. | Always the fluffer, never the porn star. | Richard | From my wife while trying to fluff a houseplant back into shape after a disastrous repotting. |
| Forgive and forget | Flag and move on | Cior | |
| Born with a silver spoon in his mouth | Born with a venture capitalist in the family | Cior | |
| As slow as molasses. | Like Baldwin posting a Cliche Rotation Project update. | Bill Braine | Molasses flows very slowly because of its inordinately high viscosity. The very slow pace of this flow is reminiscent of the pace at which Matthew Baldwin, author of the popular blog "Defective Yeti" posts updates to his Cliche Rotation Project series of entries. Thus replacing the old standard simile "as slow as molasses" (used to describe the pace of change in a very slow process or the pace of physical movement of a particularly slow object or individual) with "like Baldwin posting a Cliche Rotation Project update" presents the listener/reader with a cognitively appropriate and mildly amusing (because of the tiny effort/reward of decoding the dynamic) new simile, perfect for use as (nerdy) parties. |
Actually, “Dumber than shoes” reminds me of the Hebrew expression “Ata* Na’al Bayit” that roughly translates to “You are [as dumb as] a slipper”.
* “Ata” when addressing a male, “At” when addressing a female.
Posted by Omer van Kloeten on September 26th, 2007.
Two of my favorites to replace “dumb as a post”
1. Dumb as a stump.
2. Dumb as a box of hammers.
Posted by Davey on September 26th, 2007.
Wow. Advanced Squad Leader. Just… Wow.
Posted by Rob Cockerham on September 26th, 2007.
I love “reporting from the Green Zone” and “gone 404.”
“Like a sailor on shore leave” has to be just about the same vintage as “one-armed paperhanger,” though, since I’ve heard my dad use both of them.
Posted by Carny Asada on September 26th, 2007.
“All the porn on the internet”, “Gone 404″, and “A watched microwave never pings” get my vote
( i remember submitting something, but can’t recall what, so clearly it’s not cliche enough)
Posted by karan on September 27th, 2007.
“While ASL is ‘advanced’, it actually is a simpler game than the original Squad Leader became after the first gamette.”
And we’re all (sniff) so proud of Brett: Top Cliche Rotation Project Contributor, 2007!
Posted by Thomas Nephew on September 27th, 2007.
Man, was I drunk when I wrote that. Lookit all them typos.
Posted by braine on September 27th, 2007.
Is it too late to submit, “Dumb as a box of rocks”? Because somewhere in the dark recesses of the National Institute of Standards your tax dollars are funding the keepage in a vacume of a box of rocks, which a technician removes every so often so the true value of “dumb” can be acurately calibrated.
Posted by bug on September 27th, 2007.
Gah!
It’s been so long, I meant to submit one…
Replace
“Sharp as a Bowling Ball”
With
“Sharp as a sack of wet mice”
Posted by NSMike on September 27th, 2007.
This is the best blog for laughing out loud.
Posted by lesley on September 28th, 2007.
@bug:
I use “dumb as a box of rocks” often, so I wasn’t sure if this qualified as a new cliche (oxymoronic, by the way) or if it’s just something I’ve heard around and threw into my own lexicon.
I picture the National Institute of Standards as that warehouse at the end of Raiders, for some reason.
Posted by Julia on September 28th, 2007.
I don’t know if this one counts, but my husband came up with this one.
Instead of saying:
Great minds think alike!
He says:
Great behinds stink alike!
It’s silly, but I laugh every time he says it!
Posted by Kathie on September 28th, 2007.
Rose colored glasses => Green zone = WIN
How about
Old: “Touch base” => New: “Ping”
Posted by Anonymous on September 28th, 2007.
My Dad always said, “tighter than Dick’s hatband”
and “pissing up a rope”
Posted by mo on October 2nd, 2007.
Another good one….” don’t even have a pot to piss in”
Posted by mo on October 2nd, 2007.
boo! mine didn’t make it and I thought it was funny! but, I did enjoy everyone else’s alot!
Posted by rockysalsa on October 4th, 2007.
Slower than a turtle in a tub full of peanut butter.
Posted by Jami on October 9th, 2007.
replace:
It’s not over till the fat lady sings
with:
They didn’t find Nemo at the start of the movie
Posted by Anonymous on October 10th, 2007.
replace:
It’s not over till the fat lady sings
with:
They didn’t find Nemo at the start of the movie
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