Local News: Blows!

Seattle has been rocked by, like, 14 mph winds today. So naturally the local media is reacting as if flesh-eating marmosets devoured the mayor.

WIND STORM 2007 IS FUCKING ON!!

Please to be noting:

  • Video caption reading “One man was forced to hold onto a tree to keep from being blown over.”
  • Actual video shows man using single hand to grasp sapling about 1/50th his diameter and approximately 1° off perpendicular from the ground.
  • Lovable seven-year-old ragamuffin nonchalantly walks his bicycle past in the background.

You can’t truly appreciate the devastation until you’ve seen the raw footage. (Warning: contains scenes of umbrella carnage not suitable for all viewers.)

Of course HOLY SHIT WINDSTORM 2007!!! did manage knock out power at my house, which left me without access to online porn for an hour or so. Fortunately I have a copy of the 1977 Sears Catalog in our emergency kit for just such a contingency.

* * *

32 comments.

  1. “Alright! I’m gonna sit at home and ogle the ladies in the Victoria’s Secret Catalog! [buzzz]… Sears catalog. [ding!]”

  2. The umbrellas! Won’t somebody please think of the umbrellas!

  3. Maybe the seven-year old is a physics prodigy. And the man, like Max Weinberg, has a steel spine. The sapling? Jack’s beanstalk, pulled taut by the giant.

  4. I got the impression the guy with the tree was possibly trying to hold the tree up, not himself. Actually, I’m not sure what he was doing… just looked kind of stupid. (What do you want to bet he’s one of the camera crew?)

    We got the same storm up here in Vancouver — it was a little chilly and nasty but hardly a hurricane. Nothing like the one that knocked down a few hundred trees last year…

  5. Lost internet for about a half hour this afternoon. Last year lost power for a week.

    Local news in Seattle really is much worse than other places. I knew moving to a small city would mean changes, but jeez. I hated local news in big cities, and then I got a daily diet of KING, KONG, KOMO, and KIRO.

  6. When you watch the actual video, you can see what he is doing is trying to keep the tree from blowing over. He pushes it upright at one point. Keen observers those reporters….

  7. Living in New Orleans, we see this all the time. Usually it’s a reporter screaming about how the wind is going to blow him away and a guy casually walks past. Also, in some flood or another, I believe they showed Katie Couric in a rowboat and a guy walks past in ankle deep water while she screams about how deep it is. I think they showed it on the Daily Show. But yeah, I think that guy was maybe trying to save the tree.

  8. Okay, yeah, it was windy yesterday. Bellingham had stronger winds, but I think the worst of the damage was inflicted on my roommate’s hair.

  9. You want carnage…I’ll give you carnage, my hat blew clean off my head, down 3rd, turned the corner onto Columbia…and landed in front of a car wheel!!!

    Of course the car wasn’t moving, I picked up my hat and casually strolled back to the bus stop while dusting my hat off…

    sheesh, these reporters really need to get lives

  10. AHA. yet another mind warped by the infamous shadow below the boxers.

  11. Hmmm…I’m no investigatory journalist, but it just looked to me like that guy was kinda wasted.

  12. This is more evidence that watching tv news of any sort rots your brain. Anything important you need to know will filter through word of mouth and teh internets down to you in time.

  13. My local paper did a whole story about a guy who “looked” like Morgan Freeman.

  14. I really watch it for Jim “Danger” Foreman. Oh those silly reporters.

  15. You must be crazy… I was in Capital Hill yesterday and those raging torrential winds were strong enough to wreak devastation on my hairstyle.

    But seriously, I flew into Seattle on Wednesday, and the tv news had me terrified of what was to come. And what did come were some strong winds (made walking outside slightly unpleasant), some intermittent power outages, and an awesome 100mph tailwind for my flight back to Salt Lake, shaving over 30 minutes off the flight.

  16. You are funny.

  17. Weather reports in Seattle must always be taken with several grains of salt. If it rains it’s a torrential downpour, an inch of snow is a blizzard and cause to shut down damn hear everything, and a little wind is a hurricane strength storm. It’s like all the news departments in this town are run by Chicken Little.

  18. I work at the Hutch. The sculpture in question was commissioned very recently with a big fat price tag, and wasn’t quite finished yet. A lot of people really hated it. Including, apparently, the weather gods.

    It’s hailing right now.

  19. What was that huge pile of scrap metal at the end? Whatever that thing was, it looks like it took a beating.

  20. Guy-
    That is awesome. I guess it’d be nice to be written up, even if it was for a bogus resemblence in local paper.

  21. It was STORM WATCH 2007!! I am amazed all of us in Seattle survived. ;)

  22. OMG, the 1977 Sears catalog, I was 13. There were some bra and panty sets that were available in pink or blue with alternating stripes of satin and sheer. OMG, I still remember those.

  23. I worked as a stagehand for a local TV station. The station owner would get a three foot hardon whenever there was “extreme weather.” All it meant was fearing up the local population of gullible idiots by making whatever tiny weather pattern into some Weather Apocalypse. Then again, these same people that drove up our ratings also read those stupid Left Behind books and voted for Bush TWICE! Fucking retards.

    Perhaps the child walking the bike is imbued with some wind-repelling magiks acquired via a Dungeons & Dragons game. Get your local equivalent of Christian Values-monger / child rapist James Dobson to provide color commentary and Biblical exegesis on such a phenomena. Maybe he can do the Christian thing: blame the Zionist Jew media, hippie communist gays, and lesbian gym teachers, who are all perpetrating said wind-repelling with a Satanic spell.

  24. My favorite part is the news article to the side noting that “ferries were affected.”

    Affected in what way, exactly? How do you tell if a ferry is affected by something? They’re pretty much either working or not. I’ve never seen a ferry that was, say, functional but mildly distressed.

  25. Oh, please… 14mph?… that’s like 22.5kmh… I live in Lethbridge, Alberta and that’s just a gentle breeze here. High wind here is anything over 80kmh (50mph)… wusses..

  26. >>I’ve never seen a ferry that was, say, functional but mildly distressed.

    TSP – you just made my entire weekend with that remark.
    :) – OperaGal

  27. When I was trying to come home from work, gusts over the 520 bridge hit 56mph, folks. Don’t just assume that the asinine “14mph” title is correct. Thousands of people lost power for the night, too.

  28. Ahh, the nostalgia. I moved from Seattle 5 years ago and I do miss the headline weather NEWS!!!!!!!!!

    I’m not sure if the rest of the country realises that Seattle has, on average, the mildest weather in the world. It’s 50 degrees and drizzling 10 months out of the year – so any slight perturbance seems like cataclysmic globe trembling acts of god. “Thousands lost power”? OHMYGOD – it is soooo hard to start the day without the double mocha latte with sprinkles.

    Good luck holding the trees up, y’all.

  29. Ahh, just like the last storm we had over here.
    which caused “Dozens of uprooted trees” and “several thousand of euros worth of damage”

    Read: Branch falls on car, Dead tree in HUGE forest falls over. Film at eleven.

  30. Hmm… we just got back from Seattle and my 6 year old strolled confidently through the windstorm. That footage seems to be usable for just about anything vague.

  31. It’s not like living on the plains gives me a better perspective on wind speeds. Seconded.

  32. I cracked up when I read ‘I hated local news in big cities, and then I got a daily diet of KING, KONG, KOMO, and KIRO.’

    Have you ever heard of the power button or channel changer?