Annual Call of Slacker Guide Items

I’m working on my annual Holiday Survival Guide For Slackers and I’m looking for suggestions. So if you know of some stupid crap available for purchase on the intarweb, please mention it here or drop me an email. Thanks!


  1. Bacon salt from It’s delicious.


    Don’t know how last minute this item is, but – seriously – diamond ring from Grandma takes on a whole new meaning when the rocks are Lifegems

  3. Slacker furniture = bean bag chair.

  4. Kitty wigs. (For actual cats, not merkins)

  5. Oy, sorry – Bossy is too slacker-ish for suggestions.

  6. Bacon salt.. bought that for my dad, lol.

    This is awesome too: USB Desk Vacuum.. a retro vacuum for the crumbs.

    And if you are such a slacker you don’t want to decorate, Perpetual Kid has the USB Christmas Computer Kit.

  7. Crazy Cat Lady Action Figure…/BEST/GFT-5055

  8. Here are some gifts for those slackers…

    –for those people too damn lazy to get into bed…


    –because the wife just can’t get what you want the way you want it

  9. Can’t believe I’m going to acknowledge I know about this (my hubby’s friend sent it around a week ago):
    Anti Monkey Butt Powder from For runners, waiters, etc.

  10. These look fun too…

  11. …don’t know if you’ve ever mentioned this on your blog before, but The Stadium Pal is a really lovely gift.

  12. For the erudite slacker: action figures from major works of art! The Jheronymus Bosch collection is particularly choice.

  13. From the NRA?

  14. Oh what the hell…

  15. Stupid crap, literally:

  16. If you really want to show what a slacker you are at the holidays you can give a USED Anti Monkey Butt Powder.

  17. USB Heated Gloves

    There are other ones out there, but these are the cutest and cheapest I’ve seen.

  18. KurtRoedeger – Thank you! I just spent $36 on bacon salt!

  19. Jeffrey Lebowski “action” figure.

  20. Nothing says “Birth of Christ; Prince of Peace” quite like red and green shotgun shell Christmas lights.

  21. I just bought a “Yo, God” magnet, thanks for the tip.

  22. “Merkin” – ha! I haven’t heard that word in years. Nice.

  23. Oh! And you can decorate your “hair down there” in festive holiday colors.

  24. Walgreens has this bin of $9.99 PRE-WRAPPED gifts. Most of them seem geared towards men, nail clipper set, faux leatherman for the keychain, but the coffee cup hot plate warmer I got was a hit at the office.

    Each gift is pre-wrapped and has a little to/from card and a bow that you sorta put together on the train or in the car… a cardboard sleeve tells you what you’re buying.

    if that’s not for slackers for office white elephant parties, I’m not sure what is!

    ok end.

  25. I was in a local hardware store and saw the Bullet Shaped Nosehair Trimmer from
    It’s, surprisingly, a nosehair trimmer shaped like a large bullet.


    tacky stuff – yay.

  27. Also, this:

  28. When some one first mentioned the Hillary Clinton Nutcracker, I thought they were kidding. Nope. It’s real.

    I’m not sure if this other one is for slacker’s, but I totally want one. Really, who wouldn’t a bull shit detector?

  29. So I’ve got two suggestions: – Vibrating bracelet for people who keep their phones buried in their purses (perhaps mildly useful)

    and – 24 carat gold in a pill “turns your innermost parts into chambers of wealth”