Rule 3.18

I had a racquetball game this afternoon against an opponent I was sure I had faced before on the ladder. He said otherwise. “No, I’m good with faces,” he assured me. “I’d remember if we’d played.”

Still, I was fairly confident that, not only that we’d met prior, but that there was something distinctly memorable about him, some unique characteristic that was eluding me at the moment.

Five minutes into the game it all came back to me.

And so, an open letter to the U.S. Racquetball Association:

Dear Sirs,

Please consider augmenting the USAR Official Rules Of Racquetball with the following:

Rule 3.18 FLATULENCE

Upon a Cutting of the Cheese, a player awards to his opponent a number of points equal to decibels/10. "Silently But Deadly" emissions will result in the conference of five points to an opponent and a mandatory 10 minute "airing out" period, during which the players may remove themselves from the court and the door shall be left ajar.

In the case of flatulent disputes, the player who smelt it shall be considered hereinafter to have dealt it.

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