The Descent of Bandann

While I allowed my blogging muscles to atrophy, my longtime friend has been pumping his up, and recently became the in-house blogger for the The Soup. And by “longtime friend” I mean, like, since first grade, although I’ve always known him by a name other than “Clog Narter.” I can only assume that that’s a pseudonym and/or anagram of “furry for life.”

Reading his blog yesterday, I cam across his entry on Bret Michaels which was a little unsettling because I’d never even heard of this guy until an hour prior when I came across this mindnumbingly atrocious video, apparently drawn from a “tv show” where “girls” compete to go on “dates” with the Mr. Michaels. I’ve known for a while that the teaching of evolutionary principles in the public school system has been under siege, thanks to religious fundamentalism, the ID movement, and Ben Stein. But never have the horrific consequences of these efforts been as apparent as on Rock of Love. Surely any woman with even a cursory knowledge of phylogeny would recognize that the female’s “mate choice” sexual selection criteria are askew when they vie for the affections of an organism who has, along with other exaggerated morphological features, a propensity for wearing bandannas.

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12 comments.

  1. I suppose you’ve never seen Flava of Love either? You need to watch more VH1, it is enlightening.

  2. yeah, if by enlightening you mean eye-gougingly wince inducing.

  3. yeah, if by enlightening you mean eye-gougingly wince inducing.

  4. never heard of Bret Michaels? Lead singer of Poison?

    And you call yourself a child of the 80s. :)

  5. You certainly give Brett the benefit of the doubt by referring to it as “Mr. Michaels”. Seems like that creature could just as easily be a “Ms.”

  6. I get hooked into these shows (Rock of Love, Flavor of Love — I draw the line at I love New York), just so I can read the Television Without Pity boards.

  7. Beautiful.

    But now I need to go look up a few of the words you just used.

  8. “never heard of Bret Michaels?”

    Or perhaps like this child of the 80’s, he’s simply repressing the memory.

  9. I still remember being shown a Poison cassette cover in 7th grade (gym class, locker room) and thinking, “wow, those are some hot chicks!”

  10. Dude, those are two male elephant seals in the next post. Female seals don’t have the snorgly snout. So “missionary position” is probably not the term of art for what’s going on.

    And yes, we all know how to tell male from female elephant seals down here in California. They got rid of driver education in the public high schools, but they kept seal gender identification.

  11. I ADORE THE SOUP! Mankini. Lou. MAIL NURSE. Joel has a newborn.

    I am trying to get my husband to march down to E and pitch a show called “Find my Mom a Gay Best Friend”. His mom wants the Will and Grace life so bad she won’t shut her trap about it.

    If you’ve managed to miss even a glimpse of shows like Rock of Love, Telia Tequila, I love New York, the one with that Italian guy, etc. BE THANKFUL. Even the ads for the shows feel like a good ear boxing by an angry parent.

  12. Speaking of mate choice: Those are two male elephant seals in that photo you posted. So “missionary position” probably isn’t the best description of what’s going on.

    And yes, all Californians are forced to learn how to tell male elephant seals from female ones (the females don’t have the snorgle on their faces). We no longer have driver’s ed, but we’re up on our pinnapeds.